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What is a "Self-Hating Jew"?

Independent

I regularly encounter three types of so-called self-hating Jews: (1) the Jew whose alienation results from negative experiences in upbringing, synagogue or Hebrew school; (2) the Jew whose alienation results from pure ignorance of Jewish tradition, (further intensified by negative perspectives on Judaism promulgated by anti-Judaic cultures and religions); and (3) the politically “self-hating” Jew who claims to be anti-Zionist as opposed to anti-Jewish.

The label “self-hating Jew” for types (1) and (2) should be replaced by “assumptive Jew” and “ignorant Jew,” respectively. The former thrives on the baseless assumption that a personal negative encounter with Jewish life is representative of Judaism as a whole, while the latter naively frolics in the muck of misinformation and ignorance about Judaism further amplified by fictions introduced by equally ignorant Judeo-critics.

The remedy I find most effective: the rich, dynamic, mind-blowing wisdom of non-party-line ancient Judaic source texts—free of denominational agenda (otherwise known as “religious trans-fat”).

As for the anti-Zionist who is otherwise proud to be Jewish, I can only quote the late Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., who said, “When people criticize Zionism, they mean Jews….anti-Zionist is inherently anti-Semitic.”

Rabbi Gershon Winkler, Walking Stick Foundation, Thousand Oaks, CA

Humanist

Jews who have internalized the claims of anti-Semitism are said to be “self-hating Jews.” Similarly, hostages who show signs of sympathy for their abductors and their causes are said to experience “Stockholm syndrome.”

“Self-hating Jews” might be a useful clinical term, but in popular parlance it has become a pejorative expression by one group of Jews to demonize another group for not conforming to their version of the party line. Liberal-to-left Jews who support a two-state solution between Israel and the Palestinians are pilloried as being disloyal to Israel—and obviously self-hating—by the right. Likewise, secular humanistic Jews like me, who are no fringe group but comprise half the population, are nonetheless accused of self-hatred for choosing our form of secular, cultural Judaism that doesn’t rely on prayers to an intervening supernatural deity.

To be sure, there are people—but not exclusively Jews—who have been so beaten down—in some cases by outsiders, or by members of their group or family—that they want to reject their heritage, religion, family connection and even skin color, if they could. They may manifest anger in a subconscious effort to push people away. The generous response, however, is to feel the hurt and reach out with empathy.

Rabbi Peter Schweitzer, The City Congregation for Humanistic Judaism, New York, NY

Renewal

Being critical of Israeli government policies or those of the organized Jewish community is not necessarily a symptom of “self-hatred.” Constructive criticism can still disturb the status quo.

Instead of labeling someone “self-hating,” I suggest understanding “internalized oppression” and recognizing how it manifests itself. “Internalized oppression” happens when a group of oppressed people begins to subconsciously believe negative messages. The psychological dissonance from buying into falsehoods can result in unconscious acting out, expressed in ways that are hurtful to oneself and other Jews.

When I meet those whose bad experience with Judaism has caused them to judge religion in general and Judaism in particular, I recognize how easily hurt can turn into hostility. I reach out with an invitation to the true depth, expanse and welcome of our tradition, letting them know that the richness of Judaism depends on their contribution to the evolution of our people.

One of the central teachings of Judaism, “V’ahavta l’re’acha kamocha/You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” reminds us that our love for others depends on a healthy regard for ourselves. Our spiritual work is to root out traces of self-hatred so we can be loving toward others. For whatever we don’t love or forgive inside ourselves will be projected out on the “other.”

Rabbi Shefa Gold, C-DEEP: Center for Devotional Energy and Ecstatic Practice, Jemez Springs, NM

Reconstructionist

First and foremost: There’s no such thing as a self-hating Jew. How arrogant for us to say that of another! We’ll have profound disagreements: You’re too rule-bound; you’re watering down the tradition. You’ll cede so much that Israel’s at military risk; you’ll cede so little that Israel’s at moral and political risk. But Jews have always disagreed, often on core principles, yet remained one people. Where we differ we must respectfully rebuke (Leviticus 19:15), but never through character assassination or ad hominem attacks. Let our disagreements be debates.

The very moniker “self-hating Jew” is inherently inciteful, and best avoided altogether. That’s strong stuff to throw around. But if it’s used, perhaps those who go around calling others “self-hating Jews” alone deserve the epithet. After all, Jews should be examples of humility (Avodah Zarah 20b) and conduct their disagreements through respectful discourse (Eruvin 13b), so that our makhlokot, disagreements, are indeed l’shem shamayim, for Heaven’s sake. To hurl an insult like “self-hating” shows that one despises such teachings—so perhaps the name-callers are guiltiest of all.

Rabbi Fred Scherlinder Dobb, Adat Shalom Reconstructionist Congregation, Bethesda, MD

Reform

I have never liked the phrase, “self-hating Jew” and have never applied it to anyone. This doesn’t mean that I think that no one has ever renounced his or her Judaism or, in extreme cases, combined renunciation with aggressive hatred toward Jews and Judaism. The convert, Pablo Christiani, propped up by the Church and the Crown, turned vehemently against his heritage and threatened it at the Disputation of Barcelona in 1263.

But to claim that someone is a self-hating Jew strikes me as both arrogant and self-serving. It is arrogant because it presumes that we understand the motivation of those who criticize certain elements of their Judaism. How do we know that the critique of certain Jews or certain elements of Judaism are animated by hatred or self-hatred rather than honestly held convictions?

It is self-serving because the charge often stems from emotions created by a radical divergence from personal cherished beliefs. “You disagree with my truths” can easily become “You are a self-hating Jew.”

Yes, self-hatred may be involved. But I always shrink back when I hear that accusation because the emotions are too strong and the evidence for them too weak.

Rabbi Roger Klein, The Temple-Tifereth Israel, Cleveland, OH

Conservative

I consider this term to be a cultural relic from when children of Jewish immigrants yearned to become “real” Americans. It has morphed into a charge of disloyalty when someone’s views stand outside the communal consensus, especially issues related to Israel. Such charges are usually less about the accused and more about trying to define group identity around some core set of opinions. I find this is a marker of insecurity rather than a constructive tactic.

Most contemporary Jews know and care so little about Judaism and Jewish peoplehood that there is no religious core that can be a foil for self-hatred. Without a consensus of what Jews are supposed to know, believe and do, it is no longer coherent to charge them with being self-hating. When Jon Stewart dips a piece of sausage into a jar of “baconaise” and bites into it, the comedic shock value is not in violating Jewish dietary piety, but rather in the American cultural norm of anti-fat piety. There is simply no Jewish self left to hate.

Ignorance and apathy are our greatest challenges. Jewish leaders should spend less time accusing others of self-hatred, and more time sharing what we love about being Jewish.

Rabbi Daniel Nevins, Dean, Jewish Theological Seminary , New York, NY

Modern Orthodox

The self-hating Jew is primarily a modern phenomenon. In the Middle Ages, Jews were surrounded by hostility. However, they maintained a high degree of self-respect because, living in ghettoes, they were mostly shielded from the degradation. They were also buoyed by a rich inner life and caring community.

In the modern period, Jews mixed freely and were constantly exposed to the majority’s opinions and media. Individual Jews, separated from the community, illiterate Jewishly, lacking in positive experiences, had no resources to repel anti-Semitic degrading images and sometimes internalized others’ contempt. One notorious case was Otto Weininger, an Austrian Jewish psychologist/philosopher who self-hated to the point of converting to Christianity and writing a philosophical justification of anti-Semitism. He followed the logic of his self-loathing (apparently feeling that he could not shake off his Jewishness) and committed suicide at age 23. Nazi thinkers drew upon his writings.

In recent years, the term has been politicized by certain Israeli public figures who have used it to stigmatize Jewish-American government officials who did not support right wing policies. This usage should be stopped. The reality that some deracinated Jews fall into this category is sad enough; the term should not be bandied about promiscuously or turned into a political weapon.

Rabbi Yitz Greenberg, New York, NY

Sephardi

Self-hating Jew is frequently misapplied to Jews who disagree with political positions of the State of Israel. This is unfortunate, because even a supporter of the Jewish people who values the significance of our communities and institutions in the Holy Land should be entitled, and even expected, to find fault with Israeli government policies from time to time. Such differences of opinion may be occasioned by love and concern rather than hate, and they should not be robbed of their legitimacy and dismissively attributed to self-loathing.

On the other hand, I believe that self-hating Jews do, in fact, live among us. Jews who not only abandon their tradition but actively seek to erase any vestige of its influence in the world find themselves opposed to something that, unbeknownst to them, has already impacted and shaped them physically, intellectually and psychologically. Jews who vilify Jewish beliefs, values and practices are rejecting a system of thought and behavior that ensured the survival of their ancestors for millenia and without which, ironically, they probably wouldn’t be here to protest. There is no greater sign of self-hatred than the fervent wish that the very source and basis of one’s existence be eliminated.

Rabbi Joshua Maroof, Magen David Sephardic Congregation, Rockville, MD

Aish HaTorah

I love every Jew, even the self-hating ones. To me a self-hating Jew is just another anti-Semite, only sadder because there is so much wasted potential.

Tap an anti-Semite on the back and you will get conflicting answers… “communists,” “capitalists,” “pacifists,” “war mongers,” “Jesus killers”! With such intense hatred over thousands of years, you would think the anti-Semite would finally get his story straight! Why is there such hatred? The Talmud tells us that the Torah given on Mt. Sinai hints of the great “Sina” or hatred that the Torah will bring on the Jews. Hitler said that his war was against the Jews who “invented morality.” The anti-Semite kills the messenger.

The self-hating Jew knows what it means to be a Jew and does not like the message, and, like any anti-Semite, seeks to delegitimize the messenger. A self-hating Jew and an anti-Semite are both driven by a subconscious desire to deny G-d and morality.

I would encourage reaching out to the supposed “self-hating Jews.” Share with them our contributions to the world, the love and sensitivity that radiates from Torah and the pride in being a part of the greatest nation to ever inhabit this planet.

Rabbi Simcha Tolwin, Executive Director, Aish Huntington Woods, Southfield, MI