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Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Cartoon Caption Contest

Prove Your Comedy Chops with Moment’s Cartoon Caption Contest


Welcome to the Moment Magazine Cartoon Caption Contest, founded with the help of New Yorker cartoon editor Bob Mankoff, and drawn by New Yorker cartoonist Ben Schwartz.


Do you have a way with words and humor? If so, look at the cartoon below and send us a caption—or two or three! Plus scroll down to vote for your favorite caption. It’s free and fun!


Winners may claim a free Moment subscription for a friend of family member. Contest open to U.S. residents 18 and above.



Submit a caption for this cartoon by August 20th by writing it in as a comment at the bottom of this page!



Vote for your favorite caption by filling out the form immediately below!


“There are no Humanist congregations here!” — Robert D. Diamant, Staten Island, NY


“No kidding? My zaide was at Roswell, too!”— Stephen Nadler, Princeton, NJ


“My mother was a Jewish abductee.” — Suanne B. Scherr,  Great Neck, NY



Vote For Your Favorite Cartoon Caption

Vote for the winner of the May/June 2017 contest! The winner will receive a free subscription to Moment to give to a friend. Any U.S. resident age 18 or older can enter.



Chuckle at the March/April 2017 winning caption—and see who wrote it!

“I have a confession to make. I’m not Amish.” — Joel Guggenheimer, Dayton, OH


How to Submit Your Caption(s)

Submit as a comment below by August 20, 2017. Finalists will appear in the September/October 2017 issue. To vote for the winner of the May/June 2017 contest (see finalists above), use the “vote form.”

  • Adrian Storisteanu 13:38h, 13 July Reply

    “Don’t worry! Most of the bugs from the previous release were fixed.”

  • Adrian Storisteanu 13:44h, 13 July Reply

    “On a full charge, the shaking is virtually eliminated.”

  • Adrian Storisteanu 13:49h, 13 July Reply

    “If anything during the procedure goes wrong, just press Ctrl Alt Delete'”.

  • Adrian Storisteanu 13:51h, 13 July Reply

    “My success rate is covfefe.”

    • Adrian Storisteanu 15:14h, 15 August Reply

      In fact it sounds a bit more robotic:

      “My .. success .. rate .. is .. .. covfefe.”

  • Adrian Storisteanu 15:07h, 13 July Reply

    “There is nothing to worry about, as long as the wi-fi connection is two bars or more.”

    [Good grief, I’m on a roll (or a bagel)…]

  • Gerald Lebowitz 16:49h, 13 July Reply

    “Don’t worry. I have the whole procedure down to a science. Nothing can possibly go wrong … can possibly go wrong … can possibly go wrong … can possibly go wrong …”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 16:54h, 13 July Reply

    “Don’t worry. I have the whole procedure down to a science. Nothing can possibly go wrong … go wrong … go wrong … go wrong … go wrong.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:41h, 13 July Reply

    “They said they were going to reduce the risk, but I didn’t think they’d go this far.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:53h, 13 July Reply

    Mr. S, it will take a lot for any of us to beat your third submission. There are many mistakes that simply pressing the delete key won’t correct, and your line makes this point superbly. Thank you.

    • Adrian Storisteanu 18:25h, 13 July Reply

      : – )

  • Gerald Lebowitz 18:16h, 13 July Reply

    “Your baby is in good hands. I have been fully ordained as an unorthodox rabbi.”

  • Ben Zvi 18:57h, 13 July Reply

    “Don’t worry, the “short” in my circuitry has been dealt with.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 09:26h, 14 July Reply

    For Adrian Storisteanu:

    Yes, modern technology is really neat.
    You can make a bad error, be less than discreet,
    Be rude with somebody or send the wrong tweet
    Or lose your balance and be knocked off your feet.
    You can always go back and recover your beat
    By simply just pressing “ctrl” “alt” “delete.”

    • Adrian Storisteanu 10:03h, 14 July Reply

      Ha-ha, excellence in six witty lines of verse!

  • Dinah Rokach 09:47h, 14 July Reply

    “Relax, no metzizah b’peh.”

  • Joshua Rokach 10:31h, 14 July Reply

    “I am my own sandak.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 11:25h, 14 July Reply

    Thanks, but it took me SIX lines to say what you said in ONE. Economy is a virtue. I can talk around things, but you wait until you grasp the very essence and then strike, like a master chess player waiting for his opportunity to make his move.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 11:28h, 14 July Reply

    “There is no reason to be concerned. I have been programmed to return any excess.”

  • Jim Gorman 12:56h, 14 July Reply

    “My inventor saw the ‘Flowbee’ infomercial and thought: ‘What’s the worst that could happen?’.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 18:34h, 14 July Reply

    “We know that you will be satisfied with our new service and are happy that you are taking advantage of our introductory cut-price promotion.”

  • Miriam Klepper 23:15h, 14 July Reply

    A new service sent to you courtesy of Russia. Don’t worry, I’ve been programmed not to “hack.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 16:55h, 15 July Reply

    “You ask about my background? Before I got this job, I worked for a landscaper as an expert pruner of trees and shrubs.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 16:57h, 15 July Reply

    “You ask about my qualifications? Before I got this job, I worked for a landscaper as an expert pruner of trees and shrubs.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 18:03h, 15 July Reply

    “Can’t you see that I’m male? How many women do you know that wear tefillin.?”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 18:47h, 15 July Reply

    “Our medical insurance for this procedure comes with a quarter-inch deductible.”

  • Dale Stout 23:12h, 15 July Reply

    Everyone calls me ‘Rabbi the Robot’.

  • Jim Gorman 11:12h, 16 July Reply

    “Ever since I was a tiny can opener I tended to ‘self identify” as a mohel. A LGBTM group took up my cause; and the rest, as they say, is history!”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 11:57h, 16 July Reply

    “Before this, I worked for a glatt kosher butcher.”

  • Stephen Nadler 21:59h, 16 July Reply

    “When did we become beta testers?”

  • Stephen Nadler 22:01h, 16 July Reply

    “I thought this would be more hands-on.”

  • Marvin Sager 10:39h, 17 July Reply

    After every procedure the MOHEL-BOT 3000 responds, “Es tut mir vey!”

  • Adrian Storisteanu 15:38h, 17 July Reply

    “The online help says it’s ‘measure *once*’…”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 14:47h, 18 July Reply

    “Mohel-Bot 2999 was recalled because it took off too much.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 12:46h, 19 July Reply

    “You ask what happened to the MOHEL-BOT that was here before me? Unfortunately, he forgot his previous training as a barber and kept taking too much off the top.”

  • gerald lebowitz 15:30h, 19 July Reply

    “The wine is for me, not the baby. I need it to lubricate my joints.”

  • Stephen Nadler 16:54h, 20 July Reply

    “You and your cutting edge technology!”

  • Stephen Nadler 17:02h, 20 July Reply

    “Must we always be the first?”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:48h, 20 July Reply

    To Stephen Nadler:

    What GREAT captions , BOTH of them! Why didn’t I think of them??? You’re a great competitor. Being the chosen people, of course, is the key that often opens the door to the opportunity of being first. (In the example of Dr. Schwartz’s cartoon, of course, it’s a distinct DISadvantage.) Imitating Oliver Twist requesting an extra portion of food at the table, I have to ask, in this land of captions, “May we have some more?”

    • Stephen Nadler 18:27h, 20 July Reply

      I’ll try, but for the moment you’ve left me speechless, Gerald.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 19:06h, 20 July Reply

    Opening up this page and looking at the entries is like opening up bitrhday presents and marveling at the contents. The people who post here are creative and smart and funny and always teach me that there are innumerable ways of seeing and that nobody really has the last word.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 21:19h, 20 July Reply

    “We’re the Chosen People. Is this what we’ve been chosen for?”

  • Bob Holtz 16:38h, 21 July Reply

    Such a moil…

  • Merrick Furst 17:48h, 22 July Reply

    “Would this be a good length?”

  • Adrian Storisteanu 23:45h, 22 July Reply

    “If it works out, we should buy one for the kitchen.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 20:31h, 23 July Reply

    Mr. S, like all good humor, your caption opens a door. For example, if the mohel profession were–pardon the expression–downsized and some mohels lost their jobs , what other duties could they perform? (Some mohels today ARE losing their jobs to mohelets, female mohels, particularly in the reformed and, to some extent, the conservative movement.) Maybe downsized mohels could slice bread and cheese and cold cuts in a deli? Maybe they could do film editing? Maybe slice and dice commercials on TV? Maybe peeling potatoes in a restaurant? It seems that the additional MOHEL-BOT in your caption would have plenty to occupy him after all. Thanks.

    • Adrian Storisteanu 22:52h, 23 July Reply

      Haha… And yes, Model 3000 is a cut above! (But don’t get me started on the Snip 500.)

  • Gerald Lebowitz 09:32h, 25 July Reply

    “Couldn’t we please have a MOHELET-BOT 3000? A woman might be more sensitive to our infant’s needs.”

  • Adrian Storisteanu 11:53h, 28 July Reply

    “Customers who bought this also bought PRAYER-BOT 500.”

  • jerome leventhal 18:33h, 28 July Reply

    Oy Vey!

  • Jennifer Abramson 10:03h, 31 July Reply

    Before I get started, I’ll need the baby’s hebrew name…and your wifi code

  • Jim Gorman 11:40h, 01 August Reply

    “It might have a pretty good track record with this sort of thing, but I’m not letting it anywhere near my prostate.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 13:47h, 02 August Reply

    “The pillow is for me to rest my arms. Do you know how heavy they are?”

  • Samuel Krush 19:29h, 02 August Reply

    It’s cutting-edge!

  • Linda Gelbard 16:56h, 03 August Reply

    A qualified mohel? Of course with the hands of a surgeon.

  • Marty Kerker 09:21h, 04 August Reply

    We are about to perform this ancient ritual in the name of our forefathers, Univac, Packard Bell and Honeywell.

  • Marty Kerker 09:22h, 04 August Reply

    Hold on while I download the latest editing software.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 14:06h, 06 August Reply

    “I was kashered under the strictest OU standards and am even certified to perform on Passover.”

  • Susan Pashman 17:59h, 07 August Reply

    Not to worry! It’s not brain surgery. THAT I do on Thursdays.

  • Justin gray 23:25h, 07 August Reply

    “You should be 12% worried”

  • Justin gray 23:26h, 07 August Reply

    Hey, weren’t you at my Bot Mitzvah?”

  • Bevrly Barna 11:11h, 08 August Reply

    Put a quarter under the kippah to kickstart a qvell.

  • Gerald Lebowitz` 14:34h, 08 August Reply

    Hey, Justin Gray, a GREAT caption above. Thanks!

  • Gerald Lebowitz 16:39h, 08 August Reply

    “You’ll be very pleased. My work has won numerous awards and has even been displayed at the Jewish Museum.”

  • Justin gray 06:42h, 09 August Reply

    Gerald- Thanks! New subscriber and love the caption contest. 🙂

  • Justin gray 06:43h, 09 August Reply

    “Hebrew, English, or binary?”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 09:34h, 09 August Reply

    Justin, welcome! You’re very good at what you do. Your submissions have a fresh, out-of-the-box approach that avoids the cliches that usually come to mind when most of us try to put words to a cartoon. Thanks again.

  • Justin gray 16:38h, 09 August Reply

    The other submissions are hilarious! Very creative group here. I’m an amateur at this you wouldn’t want me doing a real Bris. I’ll stick to the caption writing for now!

  • Justin gray 19:07h, 11 August Reply


  • Adrian Storisteanu 21:12h, 11 August Reply

    “No-miss bris, or your money back!”

  • d cohen 00:18h, 12 August Reply

    Nope. I just take one mega byte.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 13:52h, 13 August Reply

    “I guess that if he makes a mistake, we can always sue him for mohel-practice.”

    • Adrian Storisteanu 14:28h, 13 August Reply

      : – )

  • Gerald Lebowitz 20:22h, 13 August Reply

    Mr. S, thanks for your eloquent response to my horrible pun. Would you settle for ten lashes with a wet noodle (Manischewitz, of course) as my deserved punishment? Afterward, if I survived, I could always eat the noodle. So nothing would be wasted.

    • Adrian Storisteanu 21:17h, 13 August Reply

      I love it. And what’s more, noodle is, of course, also pretty thematic around here… (Honi soit qui mohel y pense.)

  • Gerald Lebowitz 22:38h, 13 August Reply

    “Your pun (“mohel y pense” for “mal y pense”) is even worse than mine (IF that could be possible) plus maybe an unintended third pun since the motto in question was used in heraldry, I believe, and you’re using it in response to a comment made by someone whose name rhymes with herald. In any event, I knew that you were royalty, but I never dreamt that you were in possession of a coat of arms on which the motto would be used.

    • Adrian Storisteanu 23:42h, 13 August Reply

      Yeah, I sense Manischewitz’s pasta sales are climbing fast…

  • Jim Gorman 09:21h, 14 August Reply

    “Jewish inventor/entrepreneur Ron Popeil, creator of the Veg-A-Matic, comments on latest project: ‘I’m an inventor first and a marketer second,’ he says. ‘Other people in our business take the spaghetti approach. They throw a lot of stuff against the wall and hope something sticks. The failure rate is dependent solely on what you’re throwing up against the wall.’.”

    • Jim Gorman 09:22h, 14 August Reply

      I’m sorry community. I just couldn’t resist.

    • Adrian Storisteanu 09:44h, 14 August Reply

      Spaghetti always got the bad rap. Cf. “spaghetti code” (which is probably what runs the Bris-A-Matic, precursor of the Mohel-Bot).

  • Gerald Lebowitz 09:22h, 14 August Reply

    Hmmm. Instead of needling me, now, you’re noodling me. Is that adding insult to injury?

  • Feigue Cieplinski 14:10h, 15 August Reply

    Feigue Cieplinski
    What does Responsa say:Is this an halachic Brith Milah?

  • Danny Singer 11:52h, 16 August Reply

    Honey, as a shul board member, you should tell them that their cost-savings measures have gone one step too far!

  • Gerald Lebowitz 20:37h, 16 August Reply

    Mr. S, you’re right, as usual; spaghetti has gotten a bad rap, dating back to at least George Washington, who, as you may recall, specifically warned against foreign entanglements in his farewell address.

    • Adrian Storisteanu 01:48h, 17 August Reply

      No-thing to sneeze at. . .

  • Adrian Storisteanu 07:47h, 19 August Reply

    “18 important updates are available. Shall I download and install before we start here?”

    • Adrian Storisteanu 07:50h, 19 August Reply

      (The precise point when confidence goes out the Windows.)

  • Justin gray 11:25h, 19 August Reply


  • Gerald Lebowitz 12:39h, 19 August Reply

    “The precise point when confidence goes out the Windows”? Really? And you had the chutzpah to ridicule MY pun? A THOUSAND lashes with a wet noodle would be far too lenient a punishment for YOU. (Just kidding … I think.)

    • Adrian Storisteanu 14:13h, 19 August Reply

      Haha, the pun was just in the commentary, hence hors concours.

      (And the whole thing doesn’t apply to iBrit 3, which is not Windows-based, but is much more expensive and cuts just as much.)

  • Gerald Lebowitz 12:44h, 19 August Reply

    “You folks have until August 20th or so to make a decision about the bris. Sometime after that we’ll be replaced by a new cartoon.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 15:55h, 21 August Reply

    “There is a buy-one-get-one-free sale going on now that you might be able to take advantage of. All I need is another appropriate infant.”

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