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Friday, October 20, 2017

Cartoon Caption Contest

Prove Your Comedy Chops with Moment’s Cartoon Caption Contest

 

Welcome to the Moment Magazine Cartoon Caption Contest, founded with the help of New Yorker cartoon editor Bob Mankoff, and drawn by New Yorker cartoonist Ben Schwartz.

 

Do you have a way with words and humor? If so, look at the cartoon below and send us a caption—or two or three! Plus scroll down to vote for your favorite caption. It’s free and fun!

 

Winners may claim a free Moment subscription for a friend of family member. Contest open to U.S. residents 18 and above.

 

 

Submit a caption for this cartoon by October 20th by writing it in as a comment at the bottom of this page!

 

Vote for your favorite caption by filling out the form immediately below!

“Hey, weren’t you at my Bot Mitzvah?” — Justin Gray, Findlay, OH



“Don’t worry. I have the whole procedure down to a science.
Nothing can possibly go wrong…go wrong…go wrong…go wrong…go wrong.” — Gerald Lebowitz, New York, NY



“Must we always be the first?” — 
Stephen Nadler, Princeton, NJ

 

Vote For Your Favorite Cartoon Caption

Vote for the winner of the July/August 2017 contest! The winner will receive a free subscription to Moment to give to a friend. Any U.S. resident age 18 or older can enter.

 

 

Chuckle at the May/Jube 2017 winning caption—and see who wrote it!

“No kidding? My zaide was at Roswell, too!” — Stephen Nadler, Princeton, NJ

 

How to Submit Your Caption(s)

Submit as a comment below by August 20, 2017. Finalists will appear in the September/October 2017 issue. To vote for the winner of the May/June 2017 contest (see finalists above), use the “vote form.”

122 Comments
  • Adrian Storisteanu 13:38h, 13 July Reply

    “Don’t worry! Most of the bugs from the previous release were fixed.”

  • Adrian Storisteanu 13:44h, 13 July Reply

    “On a full charge, the shaking is virtually eliminated.”

  • Adrian Storisteanu 13:49h, 13 July Reply

    “If anything during the procedure goes wrong, just press Ctrl Alt Delete'”.

  • Adrian Storisteanu 13:51h, 13 July Reply

    “My success rate is covfefe.”

  • Adrian Storisteanu 15:07h, 13 July Reply

    “There is nothing to worry about, as long as the wi-fi connection is two bars or more.”

    [Good grief, I’m on a roll (or a bagel)…]

  • Gerald Lebowitz 16:49h, 13 July Reply

    “Don’t worry. I have the whole procedure down to a science. Nothing can possibly go wrong … can possibly go wrong … can possibly go wrong … can possibly go wrong …”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 16:54h, 13 July Reply

    “Don’t worry. I have the whole procedure down to a science. Nothing can possibly go wrong … go wrong … go wrong … go wrong … go wrong.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:41h, 13 July Reply

    “They said they were going to reduce the risk, but I didn’t think they’d go this far.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:53h, 13 July Reply

    Mr. S, it will take a lot for any of us to beat your third submission. There are many mistakes that simply pressing the delete key won’t correct, and your line makes this point superbly. Thank you.

    • Adrian Storisteanu 18:25h, 13 July Reply

      : – )

  • Gerald Lebowitz 18:16h, 13 July Reply

    “Your baby is in good hands. I have been fully ordained as an unorthodox rabbi.”

  • Ben Zvi 18:57h, 13 July Reply

    “Don’t worry, the “short” in my circuitry has been dealt with.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 09:26h, 14 July Reply

    For Adrian Storisteanu:

    Yes, modern technology is really neat.
    You can make a bad error, be less than discreet,
    Be rude with somebody or send the wrong tweet
    Or lose your balance and be knocked off your feet.
    You can always go back and recover your beat
    By simply just pressing “ctrl” “alt” “delete.”

    • Adrian Storisteanu 10:03h, 14 July Reply

      Ha-ha, excellence in six witty lines of verse!

  • Dinah Rokach 09:47h, 14 July Reply

    “Relax, no metzizah b’peh.”

  • Joshua Rokach 10:31h, 14 July Reply

    “I am my own sandak.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 11:25h, 14 July Reply

    Thanks, but it took me SIX lines to say what you said in ONE. Economy is a virtue. I can talk around things, but you wait until you grasp the very essence and then strike, like a master chess player waiting for his opportunity to make his move.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 11:28h, 14 July Reply

    “There is no reason to be concerned. I have been programmed to return any excess.”

  • Jim Gorman 12:56h, 14 July Reply

    “My inventor saw the ‘Flowbee’ infomercial and thought: ‘What’s the worst that could happen?’.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 18:34h, 14 July Reply

    “We know that you will be satisfied with our new service and are happy that you are taking advantage of our introductory cut-price promotion.”

  • Miriam Klepper 23:15h, 14 July Reply

    A new service sent to you courtesy of Russia. Don’t worry, I’ve been programmed not to “hack.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 16:55h, 15 July Reply

    “You ask about my background? Before I got this job, I worked for a landscaper as an expert pruner of trees and shrubs.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 16:57h, 15 July Reply

    “You ask about my qualifications? Before I got this job, I worked for a landscaper as an expert pruner of trees and shrubs.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 18:03h, 15 July Reply

    “Can’t you see that I’m male? How many women do you know that wear tefillin.?”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 18:47h, 15 July Reply

    “Our medical insurance for this procedure comes with a quarter-inch deductible.”

  • Dale Stout 23:12h, 15 July Reply

    Everyone calls me ‘Rabbi the Robot’.

  • Jim Gorman 11:12h, 16 July Reply

    “Ever since I was a tiny can opener I tended to ‘self identify” as a mohel. A LGBTM group took up my cause; and the rest, as they say, is history!”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 11:57h, 16 July Reply

    “Before this, I worked for a glatt kosher butcher.”

  • Stephen Nadler 21:59h, 16 July Reply

    “When did we become beta testers?”

  • Stephen Nadler 22:01h, 16 July Reply

    “I thought this would be more hands-on.”

  • Marvin Sager 10:39h, 17 July Reply

    After every procedure the MOHEL-BOT 3000 responds, “Es tut mir vey!”

  • Adrian Storisteanu 15:38h, 17 July Reply

    “The online help says it’s ‘measure *once*’…”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 14:47h, 18 July Reply

    “Mohel-Bot 2999 was recalled because it took off too much.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 12:46h, 19 July Reply

    “You ask what happened to the MOHEL-BOT that was here before me? Unfortunately, he forgot his previous training as a barber and kept taking too much off the top.”

  • gerald lebowitz 15:30h, 19 July Reply

    “The wine is for me, not the baby. I need it to lubricate my joints.”

  • Stephen Nadler 16:54h, 20 July Reply

    “You and your cutting edge technology!”

  • Stephen Nadler 17:02h, 20 July Reply

    “Must we always be the first?”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:48h, 20 July Reply

    To Stephen Nadler:

    What GREAT captions , BOTH of them! Why didn’t I think of them??? You’re a great competitor. Being the chosen people, of course, is the key that often opens the door to the opportunity of being first. (In the example of Dr. Schwartz’s cartoon, of course, it’s a distinct DISadvantage.) Imitating Oliver Twist requesting an extra portion of food at the table, I have to ask, in this land of captions, “May we have some more?”

    • Stephen Nadler 18:27h, 20 July Reply

      I’ll try, but for the moment you’ve left me speechless, Gerald.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 19:06h, 20 July Reply

    Opening up this page and looking at the entries is like opening up bitrhday presents and marveling at the contents. The people who post here are creative and smart and funny and always teach me that there are innumerable ways of seeing and that nobody really has the last word.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 21:19h, 20 July Reply

    “We’re the Chosen People. Is this what we’ve been chosen for?”

  • Bob Holtz 16:38h, 21 July Reply

    Such a moil…

  • Merrick Furst 17:48h, 22 July Reply

    “Would this be a good length?”

  • Adrian Storisteanu 23:45h, 22 July Reply

    “If it works out, we should buy one for the kitchen.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 20:31h, 23 July Reply

    Mr. S, like all good humor, your caption opens a door. For example, if the mohel profession were–pardon the expression–downsized and some mohels lost their jobs , what other duties could they perform? (Some mohels today ARE losing their jobs to mohelets, female mohels, particularly in the reformed and, to some extent, the conservative movement.) Maybe downsized mohels could slice bread and cheese and cold cuts in a deli? Maybe they could do film editing? Maybe slice and dice commercials on TV? Maybe peeling potatoes in a restaurant? It seems that the additional MOHEL-BOT in your caption would have plenty to occupy him after all. Thanks.

  • Adrian Storisteanu 16:04h, 07 September Reply

    “Reform, of course.”

  • Rich Wolf 17:02h, 07 September Reply

    “I know it’s overkill but I want to be sure.”

  • Rich Wolf 17:03h, 07 September Reply

    “I only wear it on Fridays when we go into town.”

  • Rich Wolf 17:05h, 07 September Reply

    “All I said was ‘bacon and eggs sounds yummy’, and it’s slop for a year.”

  • Rich Wolf 17:12h, 07 September Reply

    “I kinda felt sorry for the guy; he said his name was Mankoff and this was his second career selling yarmulkes.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:38h, 07 September Reply

    “I may be it, but I’m not allowed to eat it.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:43h, 07 September Reply

    “So I’m an Orthodox Jewish pig. Does that justify people insulting me by calling me an oxymoron?”

  • marvin sager 17:52h, 07 September Reply

    Raybn di sude!

  • D Rokach 18:03h, 07 September Reply

    “I converted.”

  • Joshua Rokach 19:09h, 07 September Reply

    “Is this slop kosher?”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 11:55h, 08 September Reply

    “If they expect me to keep on producing kosher bacon, then they’d better hire a mashgiach.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 12:25h, 08 September Reply

    “If they expect me to produce kosher bacon, then they’d better hire a mashgiach.”

    (This is a revision of my previous caption. After re-reading it, I realized how ridiculous it sounded. The pig in question would produce kosher bacon only once and then would expire–there’d be no way for him to “keep on.” I’ll have to be more careful. Sorry.)

  • Adrian Storisteanu 15:32h, 08 September Reply

    “Hog Sameach!”

  • Adrian Storisteanu 15:40h, 08 September Reply

    “No, it’s not just for the holidays.”

  • Adrian Storisteanu 15:49h, 08 September Reply

    “No, I said we can fly *EL AL*.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:14h, 08 September Reply

    “Hog Sameach!” is another perfectly suited language gem along the same lines as Justin Gray’s “Bot Mitzvah.” Oy vey. How can anyone hope to beat wordplay like that? And so early in the contest!

    • Adrian Storisteanu 00:08h, 09 September Reply

      : – )

  • Dale Stout 06:39h, 12 September Reply

    You reap what you sow.

  • Dale Stout 06:40h, 12 September Reply

    Don’t cast your Perlman before swine.

  • Dale Stout 06:41h, 12 September Reply

    Oinky vey.

  • Dale Stout 06:50h, 12 September Reply

    What’s shakin bakin?

  • Dale Stout 06:52h, 12 September Reply

    Porque, pig?

  • Adrian Storisteanu 15:48h, 12 September Reply

    “Also, the bacon thing is out.”

    • Adrian Storisteanu 16:36h, 12 September Reply

      “Also, the bacon thing is out, now.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:03h, 12 September Reply

    To Dale Stout, I for one love your entries, all of them. I can just hear Mel Blanc voicing, “Porque,, pig?” with his characteristic stutter. I wonder if you had him in mind. No matter. Your sentences are gems. Thanks for making the site sparkle.

    • Dale Stout 08:33h, 13 September Reply

      Hi Gerald, I did think of Porky Pig. But that’s not all, folks. I also thought of that old Parkay margarine ad, as Porque sounds like Porky a little bit. Thanks

  • Dale Stout 08:34h, 13 September Reply

    Who’s your head cheese?

  • Dale Stout 08:35h, 13 September Reply

    Save the squeal for the veal.

  • Dale Stout 08:41h, 13 September Reply

    I’m kosher, no matter how you slice it.

  • Dale Stout 08:43h, 13 September Reply

    I am a bit of a hambone.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 12:33h, 13 September Reply

    To Dale Stout–Charles Dickens has often been criticized for all the coincidences in his novels, but maybe he was on to something. In today’s Wall Street Journal, there just happens to be a neat article on page A13 headlined “It Started with a Pig,” all about the creation of the Porky Pig Looney Tunes cartoons in the mid 1930s in order to capitalize on the success of Walt Disney. I think it’s well worth reading. I’d send you the page, but it would be easier for you to look at the paper in any library if you missed it today. Keep your outrageous captions coming!

  • Gerald Lebowitz 15:03h, 13 September Reply

    “You asked how I became a rabbi? Well, I was one of the original three little pigs–the smart one who built his house out of brick so that the wolf couldn’t blow it down. My brothers always used to laugh at me; one became an actor who wants to play Ham-let, the other a politician who likes to propose pork barrel legislation. I studied the Tal-mud, and here I am, one of the chosen, trying to talk you out of eating the treife in this trough.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 13:42h, 15 September Reply

    “You shouldn’t be eating that treif in the trough.”

    (In the interest of economy, this would be the Reader’s Digest condensation of the previous entry.)

  • Dale Stout 00:46h, 16 September Reply

    Hillary RodHam, What Happened?

  • Stephen Nadler 20:18h, 17 September Reply

    “Kosher style my rump.”

  • Adrian Storisteanu 08:50h, 18 September Reply

    “Oynk? What are you saying?!”

    • Adrian Storisteanu 08:57h, 18 September Reply

      “’Oynk’? What are you saying?!”

  • NormalNobody 01:03h, 19 September Reply

    Great, now I’m existentially conflicted.

  • Judy Lebow 12:43h, 23 September Reply

    Don’t tell me we’re having this chazerei again!

  • Robert Einziger 16:53h, 23 September Reply

    1- Did you check with the Rabbi to see if that slop is Kosher?

    2- Now that I wear a kippah and have payas will they consider me kosher?

  • Karen Milstein 00:51h, 24 September Reply

    I know I don’t look Jewish.

  • Jim Gorman 11:32h, 24 September Reply

    “Since the Catholics started eating meat on Fridays, that’s since when!”

    • Jim Gorman 12:17h, 24 September Reply

      or maybe . . .
      “Since when? Since the Catholics started eating meat on Fridays, that’s since when!”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 11:53h, 24 September Reply

    “”What’s it taste like? I’ve always envied those who could enjoy all the delicacies that I was always forbidden to eat.”

  • Stephen Nadler 01:40h, 25 September Reply

    “And this you call assimilation?”

  • Martin Schechter 23:34h, 25 September Reply

    ”Do you always have to be such a chaza?”

  • Alyssa Gray 15:13h, 26 September Reply

    Ugh, I always forget what berakhah to make.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 14:35h, 27 September Reply

    “Unfortunately, I never had a bar mitzvah because no talmudic scholar could figure out how to translate 13 into pig years.”

  • Alan LaPayover 15:08h, 28 September Reply

    You know that’s not kosher, don’t you?

  • Gerald Lebowitz 18:10h, 28 September Reply

    “I’d love to get married, but for some reason none of the females from the Jewish Orthodox dating sites ever get back to me.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 23:41h, 02 October Reply

    “There’s an app that can
    Play a game of chess,
    There’s an app that acts
    Like a GPS,

    But, alas, there’s none
    That can help me now
    In my desperate search
    For a sweet frum sow.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 00:05h, 03 October Reply

    “I checked with the OU. The food is OK, but the pan it’s in was never kashered, so I can’t eat with you.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 08:46h, 03 October Reply

    “The most difficult thing for me is getting my tefillin on in the mornings.”

  • David A Sacks 14:41h, 05 October Reply

    ”It may be gluten-free, but the mashgiach says it’s treif”

  • Stephen Nadler 10:21h, 06 October Reply

    “Never mix meat slop and dairy slop.”

    • Adrian Storisteanu 13:48h, 06 October Reply

      But, to paraphrase a well-known New Yorker cartoon (or two):

      “I say slop is slop, and I say the hell with it.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 13:11h, 07 October Reply

    “You go to a Reform synagogue , so you can eat anything you want, but my Orthodox rabbi only allows me to eat slop that’s strictly kosher.”

    • Sandy Levine 10:28h, 08 October Reply

      Oops. Posted my comment without reading the others. Looks like I stole yours, but I hadn’t read it first.

  • Sandy Levine 10:26h, 08 October Reply

    Do you know if this slop is hechshered?

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:22h, 08 October Reply

    To Sandy Levine: Don’t know whom you’re addressing because your comment never seems to have been posted, but please see that we all take from each other, all contributions being variations on an almost musical theme. The people here are very creative and very nice. Please resubmit the comment which never appeared, in addition to any others that occur to you. Thanks.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 21:42h, 08 October Reply

    To Adrian S: This afternoon it came to me, the caption you might have been referring to in your October 6 post, the New Yorker cartoon from, I believe, the 20’s or 30’s involving a mother trying to coax her daughter into finishing her supper by saying, “It’s broccoli, dear.” And the little girl replies, “I say it’s broccoli and I say the hell with it.”

    Yes? Best!

  • Gerald Lebowitz 23:00h, 08 October Reply

    Forgive my error. The mother says, “It’s SPINACH, dear,” and that’s when the little girl offers her classic response.

  • Adrian Storisteanu 01:21h, 09 October Reply

    Yes. See that cartoon, and a few variations, at the cartoonbank.com by searching the exact phrase “and I say the hell with it”.

  • steven lewis 14:37h, 09 October Reply

    “That’s right, pig food in Yiddish is chazzerai”!

  • Gerald Lebowitz 14:39h, 09 October Reply

    Thanks for the link, which I wasn’t aware of. Remember that old saw about the futility of beating a dead horse? I think we’re just about done with this dead cartoon. And I say the hell with it.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 14:49h, 09 October Reply

    By “dead cartoon” I meant the one from the 20’s, not the current one, which still offers possibilities.

    • Adrian Storisteanu 16:27h, 09 October Reply

      : – )

  • Stephen Nadler 18:18h, 10 October Reply

    “Why don’t you come over for a real Shabbos dinner?”

  • Leon Gottlieb 20:11h, 10 October Reply

    This way, I won’t end up as bacon.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 21:07h, 10 October Reply

    To Leon Gottlieb: Hilarious! Just when I thought that we’d exhausted most possibilities, your line turns the picture completely around and presents a new view, that our farmyard friend’s religious affiliation may be only a ploy to keep himself together for as long as possible. (We Jews have often been tricksters anyway in order to survive.) At any rate, your home run sailed cleanly over the right field fence and of course you’re more than welcome to take another swing. MANY thanks for the caption.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 22:05h, 10 October Reply

    “Some years ago I tried to hide the fact that I’m Jewish, but–wouldn’t you know–one of my so-called friends squealed on me.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 22:12h, 10 October Reply

    “The farmer’s name here is Abraham. He keeps calling me Isaac and suggesting that I go on a journey with him. Should I be worried?”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 22:24h, 10 October Reply

    “My name’s really Paddy O’Leary, but if my cover gets blown, they’ll take away my kosher seal and I’ll be served at breakfast with fresh scrambled eggs.”

    (Idea: Leon Gottlieb)

  • Louise Baum 19:16h, 12 October Reply

    You big chazzar!!

  • Gerald Lebowitz 15:59h, 13 October Reply

    “When I was but a wee small pig,
    My mom taught me an Irish jig
    I’d love to dance the whole day through.
    Who knew one day I’d study Torah,
    Talmud, Mishnah, dance the hora,
    And turn into a model Jew?”

    (Idea: Leon Gottlieb)

  • Gerald Lebowitz 18:20h, 13 October Reply

    “I consulted all the Talmudic sages , but I still can’t find out where to properly wrap my tefillin.”

  • Stephen Nadler 23:18h, 15 October Reply

    “Do you know when I’ll eat that? When people fly!”

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