I think there’s a difference between what Torah calls lashon hara (“evil tongue”) and gossip. Lashon hara is evil in its intentions—it is critical or condemning—whereas gossip is more neutral. Gossip would have to be defamatory in order to be lashon hara.
In order to understand the problem with gossip, we need to understand nature of speech itself. Speech is a garment of the soul: It reveals what’s happening on the inside, but it also has an effect on what’s happening inside. It is both an expression of character and has an influence on one’s character. So what does gossip show about a person, and what does gossip do to a person? Gossip first shows that a person’s pleasure comes from things that have no content. Gossip or pointless conversation is an escape, an unwillingness to deal with real things. And even if you were of greater character and had more substance, the act itself of having such conversations drags you to a bad place.
Anything not used for its proper function is a terrible thing to waste; we try, according to Judaism, to use things as intended and not to pervert. The function of speech is communication; speech, used properly, enhances life. When speech is used another way and does not produce communication, that’s a degrading use of speech. So the danger of gossip is that the function of speech loses its direction, and then the person becomes less capable of actual communication.
Rabbi Manis Friedman
Bais Chana Institute of Jewish Studies
St. Paul, MN
Sephardic
The Torah prohibits us from engaging in gossip, or lashon hara. Abstaining from the pleasure of discussing the foibles of our friends, relatives and neighbors is no simple feat. It is human nature to be curious about and enjoy reflecting upon the goings-on in our social environment. Indeed, in our culture this inclination has developed into an industry—magazines and websites detailing the private lives, romantic interests, successes, failures and embarrassing moments of celebrities fill periodical racks everywhere, as well as the websites we frequent for news and other information.
Maimonides observes that the injunction against evil speech is not limited to circumstances in which it may hurt or damage another person. Even casual, harmless banter about the personal lives of others is not permitted. The reason is that our concern with gossip is not merely a concern for others; it is, ironically, primarily for our own good that we avoid lashon hara. Engaging in gossip is detrimental to human development because it harnesses our most precious assets—our minds, hearts and power of speech—in the service of a petty indulgence. Every minute squandered on mulling over the tantalizing details of someone else’s life is a minute that one’s own life has not been improved or enriched. Every breath expended on a discussion of celebrity trivia is a breath that cannot be utilized to speak out against injustice or to encourage charity and compassion. Every iota of brainpower spent satisfying our curiosity about our friends and neighbors is no longer available to help us ponder the mysteries of existence and the beauty of God’s creation.
Speech that has a constructive purpose is not classified as gossip. Dissuading someone from marrying an abusive individual, or advising someone against committing money to a business venture with a person known to be unscrupulous, is a mitzvah of the highest order. It is only when our objective is personal gratification or self-aggrandizement that our speech can be condemned as lashon hara.
Rabbi Joshua Maroof
Magen David Sephardic Congregation
Rockville, MD
Conservative
The prohibition for speaking lashon hara originates from two verses in the Torah. In Leviticus 19:16 God tells Moses to instruct the children of Israel “not to go about as a talebearer among your people.” The word rakhil is used here (tale-bearer) which literally means merchant in the Hebrew. Interesting to think about how one can become a merchant of negative speech. The second verse is found in Leviticus 25:17 which states: “Do not wrong one another, but fear your God; for I am Adonai your God.” Rashi, the great medieval commentator teaches that this verse refers to wronging someone through evil speech.
In reality the commandment against evil talk is very difficult. Humans are social beings and tend to talk about their experiences in life with friends, co-workers, and family. When an experience in life involves another person it is easy to slip into the mode of reporting behavior or complaining about another person's character. The Torah as well as the rabbinic tradition wanted to teach us to be extremely cautious around idle chatter since it has the power to ruin someone’s reputation. Most of us have a pretty good gut sense of when we have gone too far over the line and turned an innocent story into evil talk. The hardest, yet most important action is reining in our speech so that we create an environment where all human beings are given the benefit of the doubt.
Rabbi Lauren Holtzblatt
Yale University
New Haven, CT
Reconstructionist
The basics are clear: Tradition says to avoid lashon hara (the “evil tongue”) like the plague, and we should. But what about gray zones like these?
Celebrity gossip: Following famous folks is pure r’chilut/tale-bearing, to be avoided at all costs (Hollywood “news” constitutes bitul zman/“nullifying time,” while nixing truth). What of politicians, though, or others with real influence? Real news should prioritize public policies over private lives. Still, character counts. Swift-boating and defamation are immediately out, but insightful commentary is kosher.
Gender and culture: There is a misogynist notion of women engaging in silly gossip, but it is certain that women at the well or communal oven developed much-needed ways of communicating, invisible to lashon hara legalists. Venting can be sacred and cathartic, and certain types of “gossip” can clarify who may be in need of help. In some cases, then, gossip laws that may apply to men ought not apply to women. Nor will Lithuanian assumptions hold in Sana’a, Sarajevo or Sao Paulo—our gossip guidelines must be culturally sensitive, and must evolve.
Righting wrongs: Here the halacha (traditional law) helps, reminding us to speak up (even “against someone”) when it can make a difference. Slumlords, violent people, men who deny ex-wives halachic divorces, habitual liars and cheats—since exposing their actions is the greater good, they forfeit their right to not be discussed.
Rabbi Fred Scherlinder Dobb
Adat Shalom Reconstructionist Congregation
Bethesda, MD
Renewal
Judaism’s clear teaching about gossip goes straight to the heart. We should not speak or listen to it. Why? Jewish ethics aim to create honest, caring relationships. Distorted, third-hand, negative stories undermine relationships.
You can imagine how shocked I was when I attended a secular philosophical ethics conference and heard the exact opposite view! A group of coworkers spoke about how gossip helped them bond. As they compared workplace notes, they said, they figured out who to trust and how to succeed. In this way they became a powerful bloc. Thinking afterwards, I realized that I could empathize with their need, but not their solution.
Ideally, every one of us should have a friend who listens in confidence without judgment, even when we ramble in frustration. Ideally, each of us should have an intimate guide to help us solve life’s daily problems. Some of us may feel we have such a relationship with God, and that it is enough to express our bad feelings through prayer. But most of us are less spiritually evolved, and need a flesh-and-blood friend to be our divine ear.
Unfortunately, when we are upset we rarely take the time to look for spiritual friendship. We vent, persuade others to take our side and deepen divisions between people, as the presenters at the conference did. Spiritual friends can take a different approach. They can explicitly agree to enter confidential problem-solving conversations. They can agree that expressed worries, doubts and questions will not become public entertainment or, worse, unreal “facts” used by others to make decisions. By saving their words for one another, they both learn to wait and think before speaking.
They support each other in two holy goals at once: They create a relationship with one another, and avoid undermining others.
Rabbi Laura Duhan Kaplan
Dean of Students, ALEPH Rabbinic Program
Vancouver, BC, Canada
Independent
What is gossip? And how can we discuss problems or the conflicts we might have with friends, coworkers or even family members without it being gossip?
Gossip is called lashon hara, or literally: “bad tongue.” It is based on an injunction in the Torah against bad-mouthing someone. But gossip is tricky. You can speak nicely about someone and trigger your listener’s own not-so-nice sentiments about that person, which might in turn shift your own opinion from a positive one to a negative one. On the other hand, if someone has been wrongly maligned and you say nothing in his or her defense, that is a sin of omission. Nor is silence the healthiest thing if we fester inside, even hating internally because we have no forum for talking about a volatile situation. The same Torah that bids us not to bad-mouth also bids us not to hate in our hearts. So when this happens, it is good to think it out carefully: With whom do I share this; how do I convey it; does what I am about to say risk maligning the other person beyond the arena of the facts as they relate to my situation, or will it introduce other negative assumptions about the other person? Am I prepared to relate the entire story, not just what the other did or said but also my part in the conflict? We must therefore be cautious how we say something and to whom. Or as the ancient Kabbalistic lingo puts it: av'ra' k'dav'ra, literally “I create what I speak.” When we absolutely must speak out, we need to act and speak as responsibly as we can. But when we are moved to gossip just for the hell of it, while it is a favorite pastime and a strong human inclination, we need to substitute the urge with other indulgences, such as slow-churned ice cream and a good movie.
Rabbi Gershon Winkler
The Walking Stick Foundation
Thousand Oaks, CA
Humanist
Yenta, the matchmaker from Fiddler on the Roof, certainly lived up to her name. She was the personification of a busybody who meddles into everyone’s affairs, can’t keep a secret and indiscriminately passes along rumors to whomever she meets.
It’s no secret, however, that Jewish teachings have long condemned gossip. Spreading misinformation certainly qualifies, but even spreading the truth before someone wants to share it, is considered an act of lashon hara. It’s also no secret that many people participate in this behavior despite the prohibition.
Gossip that is meant to be complimentary is generally benign, but when it is derogatory it can become very destructive. Like the game of telephone, whispered messages can be grossly misinterpreted. False ideas can take on a life of their own that become very difficult to negate. We protect our own dignity, not to mention that of the victim, when we refuse to join this hurtful chain of communication. We need to not just walk away but challenge it when we hear it. And even more important, we need to bring it to the attention of the one who is being talked about. All of this may take an act of courage, but this is another time-honored Jewish value that is worth preserving.
Rabbi Peter H. Schweitzer
The City Congregation for Humanistic Judaism
New York, NY
