Prove Your Comedy Chops with Moment’s Cartoon Caption Contest
Welcome to the Moment Magazine Cartoon Caption Contest, founded with the help of New Yorker cartoon editor Bob Mankoff, and drawn by New Yorker cartoonist Ben Schwartz.
Do you have a way with words and humor? If so, look at the cartoon below and send us a caption—or two or three! Plus scroll down to vote for your favorite caption. It’s free and fun!
Winners may claim a free Moment subscription for a friend of family member. Contest open to U.S. residents 18 and above.
Submit a caption for this cartoon by June 20th by writing it in as a comment at the bottom of this page!
Vote for your favorite caption by filling out the form immediately below!
“My people don’t know from happy hour.” — Stephen Nadler, Princeton, N J
“I have a confession to make. I’m not Amish.” — Joel Guggenheimer, Dayton, OH
“He’ll have a ‘Sex on the Beach’, hold the beach.” — Dale Stout, Colorado Springs, CO
Chuckle at the January/February 2017 winning caption—and see who wrote it!
“There must have been some magic in that odd kippah we found, For when we placed it on his head, he began to be profound.”
Ellen Keller, Andover, MA
How to Submit Your Caption(s)
Submit as a comment below by June 20, 2017. Finalists will appear in the July/August 2017 issue. To vote for the winner of the March/April 2017 contest (see finalists above), use the “vote form.”
“So what are we looking for?”
Quickly! Take me to your Rabbi – it’s almost Shabbos!
“Jewish? Not only am I Jewish, but can’t you tell by my peyos that I’m strictly Orhodox? As a matter of fact, I’m head of the Martian Haredi ruling council!”
Can you help? We’re looking for a tenth man for a minyan.
Finally. Come, we need a tenth for a minyan.
Can you speak alien Yiddish?
“We want you earthlings to broker a peace treaty between us and the Palestinian Martians who are unfairly occupying our craters.”
“Have you put on your tefillin today?”
Funny…you don’t look Jewish
Funny, you don’t look Jewish
“You’re Jewish, too? What do you feel about women rabbis?”
When does Shabbat start?
I’m glad you came by. We need a tenth for a minyan.
Excuse me, where is the Star of David?
“We called you here to help us negotiate a peaceful settlement with the Palestinian Martians illegally occupying our craters.”
“Not only am I Jewish, I’m Martian Haredi. Can’t you tell by my peyos?”
How’s Donald doing? You know he’s one of ours.
“I’ll take you to our rabbis.”
Edit:
“I’ll take you to our rabbi.”
To Stephen Nadler: You’ve been entering these contests for a long time, yet you remarkably never seem to lose your edge. Congratulations on having one of the winning entries and thanks for all the pleasure your submissions always bring.
Thanks, Gerald Lebowitz! Next issue it will make four years I’ve been entering this contest. I also enter the New Yorker’s cartoon caption contest, not with any success to date. All my captions, for better or worse, are documented for posterity on my blog so that future captionistas may be able to avoid my past mistakes. It is extremely gratifying to read that you appreciate my efforts. I wish you every success in the contest.
“Are you him?”
“I got a great deal on a shuttle for you.”
So you’ll stay for minyan, right?
“From Earth? Do you know Nathan?”
Mr. S., please forgive this variation:
“Oh, you’re Orthodox and from Planet Earth? What a coincidence! Then you surely MUST know Menachem!”
: – )
Do you need a place to stay for Shabbes?
Yeah, getting circumsized is a lot different over here.
What, you never heard of the Diaspora?
Tell me, since you were an Air Force pilot before joining NASA, why did such a nice Jewish boy join the military?
Are you Jewish? We need one more for minyan….
“No kidding? My zaide was at Roswell too!”
“We were going to take over your country but your leader is making us rethink.”
To Stephen Nadler: Roger Ebert, the late famous film critic, entered, I believe, 107 New Yorker caption contests before he finally won one a couple of weeks before he died. I too have submitted pretty regularly without ever once getting a mention but, as the great ad line for cruise ships put it once as faster airplane travel grew more popular, “getting there is half the fun.” I think I’m going to quit this particular contest because the competition is just too fierce, the entries just too good, one funnier than the next, almost all much better than anything I could think of. Imagine, for example, linking a Jewish extraterrestrial to the Diaspora! Brilliant! But I’ll be watching and enjoying and waiting for your next masterpiece. Thanks for responding.
I like the Diaspora caption too. And you are too kind.
Come by me for Shabbos dinner.
P.S. I assumed that all of you knew, but Emma Allen has been named the new Cartoon Editor of the New Yorker. Bob Mankoff has left to become the Humor and Cartoon Editor of Esquire, although he’ll remain as head of the New Yorker’s Cartoon Bank, which he created. (The New Yorker would refer to a news message of this kind as “incidental intelligence.”) In any event, this shuffling won’t really affect us since the New Yorker routinely receives well over 5,000 cartoon caption submissions a week!
Sounds like a great reason to stay n this contest. Better odds!
In
You should work with Chabad…they arrived here years ago.
“I’m an L.G.M.—or a Little Green Mensch.”
You thought there were Lost Tribes? We’ve been here the whole time.
“Gey strashe di gendz.” – “You don’t frighten me.” Lit: “Go threaten the geese.”
“Krr ggrrr qrrtt Yiddish?”
Mr. S, Hilarious, bringing to mind the joke of the little old lady approaching everyone she meets on the street with the plaintive question “Red’n Yiddish?,” “Red’n Yiddish?,” “Red’n Yiddish?” Everyone shakes their head no until finally one man smiles and says yes, he does speak Yiddish. The woman smiles back, greatly relieved, and says, “Good. What time is it?” Thanks for the big laugh, as usual.
Thank you!, the old lady in your joke is definitely my mother-in-law in real life… : – )
Mr. S, now I’m nonplussed Should I offer you condolences or congratulations?
Not sure myself. Mothers-in-law are alien creatures…
Mr. S, that sounds like a caption idea. If by some miracle it’s chosen, the credit (and the free subscription) should go to Adrian Storisteanu: “You look just like my mother in law.”
: – )
“I guess it will *not* kill me to phone home once in a while.”
Where’s your H-2B visa?
Where’s your H-2B visa, Donald?
After my Bar Mitzvah I kept on going – Can you tell me where I am now?
Some friends and I are going hiking, can I borrow your boots?
[Re. Caption Contest] “Never mind all that right now, meanwhile, are you by any chance a cohen or a levi?”
I know who you are even if you disguise yourself ! Now there will be peace.
“Great, an astronaut. Around here, it’s just doctors and lawyers.”
Are you from the half-tribe of my NASA?
Is This The Latest DKNY Fashion Tuxedo Suit Featured On , E-TV , Everyone Is Raving About On Planet Mars , Sir ?!
Show me the way to your Temple please.
I love this caption channel .
Are you from the half-tribe of MyNASA?
Are you from the half-tribe of ManNASA?
(Final? Finally? PS: take the survey)
“I see the physical similarities, but do you speak Yiddish?”
Hi Cartoon Contest Captioners, we at Moment have noticed the community and comradery that has been developing on this page, and we really love it. We also want to know what we can do to help foster this community, or what you think we can do to make the page or the cartoon contest better. We hope you can take a few minutes to give us some feedback and/or suggestions here http://info.momentmag.com/cartoon-contest-crew-questionnaire
Thanks, and keep up the good work!
“This may sound shopworn, but take me to your leader…..”
“Musk???? Elon??? Oh yeah…..he has some relatives here who run the coal plant…”
If you’re not Jesus Christ, how did you follow me all the way to the moon?
Oh, I get it. My last Bar Mitzvah tutor said I was spaced out so they sent you.
Welcome to Mars Chabad. What took you so long?
It’s great that the sense of community on this site is being fostered. I’m going to take advantage of this by sharing something you might not know about Ben Schwartz, the wonderful New Yorker cartoonist who now regularly provides the music for our words. Benjamin Schwartz is a physician (!) who received a degree from Columbia’s College of Physicians and Surgeons in 2008. His dad is chief of the cardiology division there. But Dr. Schwartz considered medicine his default career, having always drawn. In a sense he felt that, like his hero Spider-Man, he had two identities. Drawing was HIS superpower. In 2011 he met with Bob Mankoff, who was impressed enough to see him regularly over the next six months to go over his pitches and make suggestions before his first cartoon was accepted.
Does this information change anything? No. But it is interesting. Besides, who knows when any of us might develop a medical problem from the stress of creating these captions and need some attention.
My mother was a Jewish abductee.
P.S. It IS comforting to know that there is a doctor in the house. One of the oldest vaudeville jokes was of an elderly lady suddenly breaking the silence in a theater, imploring, “Is there a doctor in the house? Is there a doctor in the house?” A young man gets up and says, “Ma’am, I’m a doctor,” whereupon the lady says, “Then you really have to meet my wonderful daughter.” Today the joke might be retold to say that a woman gets up and says, “I’m a doctor” and the lady says, “Wonderful! I want that you should meet my wonderful son.” (P.P.S. I don’t know whether our Dr. Schwartz the cartoonist is married.)
To Ross Bishton: I dutifully filled out the Cartoon Contest Feedback form which you were kind enough to send, and then I pressed submit,” and then nothing happened. My words remain in limbo. No connection. Has this occurred to anybody else?
To Dan Hampton: Your caption submission calls forth the ’50s, when Brigitte Bardot was the reigning sex kitten, reminiscent of Kim Kardashian today. The story went that she was the first person to be seen by the first Martian sent here to make contact with us. He stares at her and then says, “Take me to your leader—–later!” I know this sounds crude and sexist and Bill Cosby-ish and I apologize, but humor was very different then.
Those interested in the development of humor might consider a new book by James Curtis, “Mort Sahl and the Birth of Modern Comedy.” Sahl was a stand-up comedian who influenced everyone from Woody Allen and Jerry Seinfeld on down. Another book is by the well-known film producer/director/stand-up Judd Apatow called “Sick on the Head: Conversations about Life and Comedy,” filled with marvelous interviews.
I don’t know if they will believe you’re one of us. I see you’ve already stretched the truth a little.
“Little green men… You mean the Greenbergs?”
Mr. S, you could’ve gotten a little closer. Greenman is a popular Jewish surname. Josh Greenman, for example, is a well-known editor/writer. But your caption’s very funny. Thanks for the laugh. Best wishes.
Thanks, good alternative. I just checked no real Greenberg commented in here, and went ahead to Submit! : – )
Excuse me, are you Jewish?
Finally! I’ve been waiting forever…So where is the brisket?
In my shul we don’t wear spacesuits.
Maxel tov. You have made it to the only tweet free zone in the universe.
“Shabbos? Your time or mine?”
The Promised Planet might conceivably have a couple of suns, which would only complicate matters…
Forget about suns. Every month of the year in the Jewish calendar is a lunar month, based on the cycles of the moon. Looking just at our own solar system, we’d find that Mars, for example, has two moons and Jupiter and Saturn each have 60 or more! Would you want to do the calculations? I’d find it much less complicated to master three-dimensional chess (which I imagine you HAVE mastered).
(Hah hah, not YET…)
That’s the strangest yarmulke I’ve ever seen.
“Purim it is not.”
You’re just in time for Shabbat dinner!
The alien to the astronaut: “Excuse me sir, are you Jewish?”
Still wearing those? We haven’t had to wear Burqas in years…
“Forget Moses……, take a left, take a right, forty years, in the desert, look where we finally land!”! “The guy couldn’t find Miami Beach if he had GPS coordinates tattooed on the arch of the covenant”!
Its a small moon after all
“We don’t have any rabbis here. Our leaders are all astrophysicists, the only ones smart enough to figure out how and when to carry out all the rituals on this planet that gives us more than a thousand new moons a year plus all the holidays that are attached to them that we have to celebrate. Oy vey!”
“On this planet, Judaism’s become so complicated that practicing it is considered a full-time job complete with salary, health benefits and even an early-retirement plan.”
“Each kitchen here is equipped with a triple sink: dairy, meat, and plasma.” : – )
I wouldn’t step foot in that Shul….I belong to the Synagogue next to the big crater.