Tuesday, August 21, 2018

Cartoon Caption Contest

Prove Your Comedy Chops with Moment’s Cartoon Caption Contest

 

Welcome to the Moment Magazine Cartoon Caption Contest, founded with the help of New Yorker cartoon editor Bob Mankoff, and drawn by New Yorker cartoonist Ben Schwartz.

 

Do you have a way with words and humor? If so, look at the cartoon below and send us a caption—or two or three! Plus scroll down to vote for your favorite caption. It’s free and fun!

 

Winners may claim a free Moment subscription for a friend of family member. Contest open to U.S. residents 18 and above.

 

 

Submit a caption for this cartoon by August 20th by writing it in as a comment at the bottom of this page!

 

Vote for your favorite caption by filling out the form immediately below!

 

“Who would have ever thought that they would pick our house in Jerusalem to be the new U.S. embassy?”
—Gerald Lebowitz, New York, NY


“The Compromise: He wanted aliyah, she didn’t.”
—Joshua Zev Rokach, Silver Spring, MD


“So now it goes, ‘Oy, say can you see…?’”
—Stephen Nadler, Princeton, NJ

 

Vote For Your Favorite Cartoon Caption

Vote for the winner of the May/June 2018 contest! The winner will receive a free subscription to Moment to give to a friend. Any U.S. resident age 18 or older can enter.

 

 

Chuckle at the March/April 2018 winning caption—and see who wrote it!

 

“Lettuce pray.”—Dale Stout, Colorado Springs, CO

How to Submit Your Caption(s)

Submit as a comment below by August 20, 2018. Finalists will appear in the September/October 2018 issue. To vote for the winner of the May/June 2018 contest (see finalists above), use the “vote form.”

318 Comments
  • Gerald Lebowitz 18:16h, 08 March Reply

    “What do you THINK happens when you plant an Easter egg?”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 21:28h, 08 March Reply

    “You wished for a rabbi? You simply have to learn to speak more clearly!”

  • Dale Stout 08:45h, 09 March Reply

    I love vegetables from the Koshery Store.

  • Richard James Wolf 14:49h, 09 March Reply

    “Trust me Farmer Gabe, you don’t wanna go down this rabbit hole.”

  • Richard James Wolf 16:53h, 09 March Reply

    “Sorry, but what’s up?”

    • Leticia Allen 14:14h, 10 June Reply

      I’m happy TEXAS finally got there own flag!

  • Gerald Lebowitz 20:00h, 09 March Reply

    “Now before I make myself at home here, let’s get a couple of things straight. First, you know that you’re not allowed to eat me under the laws of kashrut; and, second, your wife has absolutely no plans to make either herself or you a rabbit fur hat.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 22:19h, 09 March Reply

    To RJ Wolf: Would you run me out of town on a rail if I suggested tinkering just a little with your caption (which, is, I think, better than all of mine so far) to make it read:

    “Sorry, but what’s up, Doc … besides me?”

    In addition to the wordplay , you’d have, at the very least, created a descendant of Bugs Bunny.

    (I promise from now on not to insert my thoughts into any more of your great submissions.)

  • Don Symons 17:47h, 11 March Reply

    “My ancestors inhabited this burrow for 3500 years.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 19:33h, 11 March Reply

    “Were you expecting maybe the Baal Shem Tov?”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 21:04h, 11 March Reply

    “You’re not thinking of raising the rent on my rent-stabilized rabbit hole, are you?”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 21:20h, 11 March Reply

    “Flopsy, Mopsy and Cottontail will be up soon. They’re making for you a carrot tzimmes dish to die for.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:44h, 12 March Reply

    If Mel Brooks were riffing on the new cartoon, this might be something he’d write. (I really can’t presume to put words into the mouth of a genius, but it’s too tempting not to try.)

    “Whatever you do, stay away from Mr. McGregor. He hates Jews. He’s the biggest anti-Semite there is. Beatrix Potter doesn’t tell the whole story in her book. It isn’t rabbits that he hates. It’s rabbis. He’s just a lousy speller. Another terrible speller was Louis Pasteur. He was really looking for a cure for rabbis,
    and by mistake he cured rabies. Think about how many things in history happen for the wrong reason. Anyway, don’t go near that garden if you know what’s good for you. You can thank me later. And enjoy the tzimmes when my sisters bring it up.”

  • Dinah Rokach 20:09h, 12 March Reply

    “I already have a mezuzah, thank you.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 21:15h, 12 March Reply

    To Dinah R: VERY funny caption; the arrow of humor goes straight into the heart before one has a chance to resist, freeing an explosive laugh; such an obvious line yet completely unexpected in this context. You’re GOOD. This should CERTAINLY be a finalist! Thanks for puncturing the balloons of pomposity, including and especially my own. That’s what great humor is supposed to do, and you certainly have succeeded, in spades! Thanks again for the wonderful surprise!

  • Joshua Zev Rokach 09:45h, 13 March Reply

    “You’re planting potatoes for my carrot kugel?”

  • marvin sager 10:54h, 13 March Reply

    Sorry Rabbi, you can’t use me in your magic tricks, because you have the wrong style hat.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 21:36h, 13 March Reply

    “I came up to ask if you’ll be so kind as to officiate at my wedding. My girlfriend just accepted my proposal, and I presented her with a 14-carrot ring.”

  • Casey 10:51h, 16 March Reply

    “We’re all outta carrots”

  • Casey 10:58h, 16 March Reply

    “Could you plant an extra patch of carrots. We’re breeding like rabbits down here.”

  • Cindy Tebo 17:21h, 17 March Reply

    You’re not Alice!

  • Cindy Tebo 17:23h, 17 March Reply

    I hope those aren’t genetically modified carrot seeds your planting.

  • Stephen Nadler 11:36h, 18 March Reply

    “Why not have an oink-oink here and an oink-oink there?”

  • Stephen Nadler 11:38h, 18 March Reply

    “How come Old MacDonald never wanted borscht?”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 22:27h, 18 March Reply

    “I’m late! I’m late! For a very important date! … Wait a minute! I’m in the wrong cartoon!”

    • Jim Gorman 11:46h, 20 March Reply

      Or perhaps another Lewis Carrol reference:

      “Three questions. One, how can I have another cup of tea if I haven’t had a first? Two, whatever happened to the shiksa from the mix’a? And three, who the hell sat on your hat?”

      Congrats btw to you, Stephen and Richard for last month’s entries.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 13:39h, 20 March Reply

    To Jim Gorman: Thanks for your kind thoughts. Your words are gold and so mean a lot. They always indicate a mind combining warmth and scholarship and a marvelous sense of humor. Playing to me means more than winning, seeing how high our idea balloons can fly before they drift down, as they eventually must, and your conceits make beautiful patterns against the sky. Thanks again.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 00:04h, 21 March Reply

    To Jim Gorman, again: Coincidentally, I’m now reading a biography of Sokei-an Sasaki, one of the first teachers of Japanese Rinzai Zen in America, who is quoted in conversation with a disciple: “Have you read Alice in Wonderland?” he asks. The disciple answers: “It is a delightful children’s book.” Sokei-an then replies: “I do not consider it simply a book for children. The author possesses insight like a real man of Zen … I use it with my students. Some of them are beginning to make real progress.”

    “Begin at the beginning,” Lewis Carroll’s King says, “and go on till you come to the end; then stop.” (Sort of reminds one of that other Zen teacher, Yogi Berra, who famously said, “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

    “We’re all mad here,” says the Cheshire cat. “I’m mad. You’re mad.” “How do you know I’m mad?” asks Alice. “You must be,” says the cat, “or you wouldn’t have come here.” Reminding me of a guy who once said to me, very confidently, “I’d never have a wife who cheated on me.” “How could you be so sure?” I asked. “Easy,” he told me. “If she cheated on me, she’d no longer be my wife.” How’s that for a sample of the convoluted logic that’s the property of both sages and madmen? (Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference.)

    In any case, the poor rabbit in our cartoon koan is clearly out of his element, waiting for us to bail him out. Sorry for this hasty reply, but it gives me the chance to give a really big thank you to Cindy Tebo, whose VERY insightful caption altered the whole path we’re taking. (This site does have a great group of contributors, each one contributing a brick to the house we all try to build every two months.)

  • Adrian Storisteanu 18:32h, 21 March Reply

    “Rabbi?! I was expecting that Alice shiksa.”

  • Adrian Storisteanu 18:34h, 21 March Reply

    “Be fruitful and multiply and all that, but some carrots would be nice right now.”

    • Adrian Storisteanu 07:32h, 18 April Reply

      Variant:
      “Be fruitful and multiply and all that, but some carrots would be really nice right now.”

  • Adrian Storisteanu 18:37h, 21 March Reply

    “I don’t do Easter, really.”

  • Adrian Storisteanu 18:43h, 21 March Reply

    “Rabbit, true, but I’m no chicken.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 09:20h, 22 March Reply

    “I’m not an ordinary rabbit. My mother was once a Playboy bunny.”

  • Amy Hurewitz 16:33h, 22 March Reply

    Are you Rabbi McGregor?

  • Amy Hurewitz 16:36h, 22 March Reply

    Don’t forget to say the Ha’Adama when it’s time to harvest!

  • Steve Kois 09:02h, 23 March Reply

    Ehhh, what’s up doctrine?

  • Gerald Lebowitz 15:49h, 23 March Reply

    Sometimes I think that we all really live in Alice’s world. What other world could Trump be president of? Yesterday I was listening to some PhD on talk radio railing against the inadequacies of the treatments offered patients by practitioners in the mental health field and was startled to suddenly hear him shout, “Anyone who who goes to a psychiatrist or other therapist today should have his head examined!!”

    I could swear that I heard Lewis Carroll laughing.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 21:34h, 23 March Reply

    “Am I too early for the seder?”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 08:41h, 24 March Reply

    “Oops, my mistake. I was looking for someone heimish, not Amish.”

  • Ralph Shapiro 20:22h, 24 March Reply

    Caption: “Don’t bury me! The Lord said keep animals alive,”

  • Dale Stout 13:04h, 25 March Reply

    I thought I heard a Nor’Easter.

  • Dale Stout 13:05h, 25 March Reply

    Lettuce pray.

    • Cindy Tebo 03:09h, 06 April Reply

      Amen!

  • Elaine Horwitz 19:32h, 25 March Reply

    Why is this night different from all other nights of the year?

  • Stephen Nadler 21:11h, 25 March Reply

    “You mean you really don’t care that it’s rabbit season?”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 16:18h, 27 March Reply

    “Rabbi, you ask me whether or not I’m a rabbit. I think I’m a rabbit. I eat all the foods that rabbits eat. I live in a rabbit burrow. And my parents always called me a rabbit. But, you know, I’ve met some confusing people lately who insist that I’m not a rabbit. Don’t you think that they’re just splitting hares?”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 14:39h, 28 March Reply

    “You know, I once was a rabbi just like you, but at her party, Alice transformed me by offering me some “t,” which I promptly put at the end of my title.

  • Dennis M Keesey 20:26h, 28 March Reply

    You look surprised. What did you expect – carrots?

  • Gerald Lebowitz 11:53h, 29 March Reply

    “The Easter bunny gets all the publicity, but I’ve been around a lot longer than he has–the Pesadicher bunny, at your service.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 15:18h, 31 March Reply

    “My father made me promise to ask, before I got too comfortable here, whether Elmer Fudd was anywhere in the vicinity.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 09:52h, 02 April Reply

    “Mr. Landlord, In the apartment we’ve inhabited,
    Well, we haven’t been too inhibited,
    And the result, to plead our case,
    Is that we need much much more space.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 21:51h, 02 April Reply

    Speaking of rabbits multiplying, has anyone not heard the story of the French rabbit who takes his young son aside, saying, “My boy, your mother and I have decided that you are old enough to learn the facts of life. In front of you in the field is a long line of female rabbits. What you have to remember is to greet each one as you approach her by saying ‘bonjour,’ and then at the end to part with her by saying ‘merci.’ Do you understand?” The boy nods and goes down the line at first slowly and then more and more quickly: “Bonjour, merci … bonjour, merci … bonjour, merci … bonjour, merci … bonjour, merci … bonjour, merci … bonjour, merci … bonjour, merci … bonjour, merci … ohhhhhh … pardon, Papa!!”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 19:14h, 03 April Reply

    To Stephen Nadler: I’m a little surprised that, given the fact that John Updike is one of your favorite writers, with all this talk of rabbits you haven’t yet surrendered to the temptation of submitting a caption referencing arguably the most influential literary rabbit of all, Harry “Rabbit” Angstrom, featured in at least four of Updike’s acclaimed novels. I wouldn’t know how to do it, but you might very well be able to in a humorous way to make us all smile, as you usually do with all the captions you submit. Best wishes.

    • Stephen Nadler 13:22h, 11 April Reply

      Thanks, Gerald. It never occurred to me to introduce such a decidedly WASPish character from such a decidedly WASPish novelist.

  • Rachael Lamb 23:05h, 03 April Reply

    “I hope those are organic…”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:35h, 04 April Reply

    “I was once a beautiful princess who was transformed into a rabbit by a wicked witch and can only be changed back by a kiss from a handsome prince and, oy, I can see that I’m in a lot of trouble.”

  • Susan Gale Wickes 09:05h, 07 April Reply

    Hey! You just missed me by a hare!

  • Gerald Lebowitz 09:24h, 07 April Reply

    “To me, organic is better than kosher.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 11:24h, 07 April Reply

    “We don’t need an introduction
    If it’s too much of a bother,
    But my name is Harry Angstrom
    And John Updike is my father.”

    (For Stephen Nadler, no cigar, not even close,
    but thought I’d give it a try …)

  • Linda Poindexter 15:39h, 07 April Reply

    “I just don’t feel as energetic as I normally do.”

  • Linda Poindexter 16:18h, 07 April Reply

    “You call it dirt…..I call it “Home Sweet Home”.

  • Susan Blue 08:50h, 09 April Reply

    This is a community garden, isn’t it?

  • Gerald Lebowitz 20:19h, 09 April Reply

    “Rabbi, there’s no need for you to be wasting your time digging around like that. I’m from TaskRabbit, and our online marketplace can quickly provide Taskers to offer any sort of home assistance to you so that you can more valuably spend your time studying Torah.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 14:01h, 10 April Reply

    N.B. If anyone bothers to check, you’ll find that there really IS a business called TaskRabbit (www.taskrabbit.com) which connects homeowners and others with qualified Taskers (not real rabbits, though) to help them with almost any task they want done. When I heard about this enterprise, I thought, Why shouldn’t our hardworking cartoon rabbi take advantage of it? Thus the caption.

    I do hope that the help he’ll receive will enable him to really devote more time to Torah. Cheers.

  • Barbara Druskoff 02:05h, 11 April Reply

    No more potatoes. Carrots, just carrots. I’ve put on ten extra pounds already.

  • Stephen Nadler 13:27h, 11 April Reply

    [For Gerald Lebowitz:]
    “Rabbi Angstrom? Rabbit Angstrom here. I’m afraid neither one of us lives up to John Updike’s conception.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 14:32h, 11 April Reply

    To SN: Rabbit Angstrom was an Immaculate Conception and worth two Pulitzer Prizes, if my memory serves. Who could live up to that? Updike, by the way, as I’m sure you know, loved art and especially cartooning, and his essays on art are my favorites. When he was an undergraduate at Harvard, he saw art as his future. If he were alive today, I’m sure that he would take an avid interest in all the new forms of graphic storytelling that are appearing, a far cry from the primitive stories in Action Comics #1, which appeared in 1938 and began the Golden Age of Comics.

    Thanks for connecting. It’s reassuring to note that you’re out there, observing even when not commenting.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 13:59h, 12 April Reply

    To SN again: I just re-read my previous post to you above and came to the last sentence: “It’s reassuring to note that you’re out there, observing even when not commenting.” Those words could easily express one’s feeling about G-d, couldn’t they? “Observing even when not commenting” also reminds me a little of Stan Lee’s 1960’s Marvel Comics creation The Watcher, a man who was directed to observe everything but was not supposed to interfere, although he often violated that directive to aid the Fantastic Four and other Marvel heroes, just as you descend from time to time to aid us …. 🙂

  • Stephen Nadler 00:03h, 13 April Reply

    “Dig, man, dig! Save a hand puppeteer!”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 09:49h, 13 April Reply

    To SN: “Excelsior”? Then you must also have been a member of the Merry Marvel Marching Society. Do you know what words often dance around my head at the oddest moments? Not from Gilbert and Sullivan or Cole Porter or Ira Gershwin or even Shakespeare or Keats or Shelley or anyone else you might expect. No, it’s

    “When Captain America throws his mighty shield,
    All those who chose to oppose his shield must yield”

    from that small Marvel promotional record that I once listened to, over and over again.

    Underneath all our layers of adult sophistication often lie the more meaningful passions of a child, don’t they?

    ‘Nuff said.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 11:09h, 14 April Reply

    “I’m sure you’ve heard of rabbits pulled out of hats; why then should you be so surprised when one pops out of your garden?”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:08h, 15 April Reply

    “Rabbi, I’d like you to share some of your talmudic wisdom with me. How come so many people consider a rabbit’s foot to be a symbol of good luck when it obviously wasn’t good luck to the rabbit it came from?”

  • Stephen Nadler 07:10h, 16 April Reply

    “We’ve had seven litters—what we call mitzvahs!”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 10:50h, 16 April Reply

    To SN, your excellent caption made me curious, so I did some checking (that’s one way to learn). It seems that a single female rabbit (a doe) can have one to fourteen babies per litter and can mate and get pregnant again right after giving birth. You do the math: one litter (say, average six babies) a month equals 72 offspring a year for one rabbit! For your Jewish rabbit, the mitzvahs would quickly turn into nightmares–imagine having to plan and cater 72 bar/bat mitzvahs each year! Would your rabbit be able to file for bankruptcy?

  • Gerald Lebowitz 11:04h, 16 April Reply

    Turning a liability into an asset, however, your rabbit would be very good at poker. He’d always have a full house.

    (Ouch! I know that’s bad.)

  • Gerald Lebowitz 07:37h, 17 April Reply

    Oh, by the way, the gestation period (the time from conception to delivery) for a female rabbit is only 30 days, more or less, thus the insulting phrase “they breed like rabbits” used by people like Pope Francis against those who are looked at as contributing to the world’s overpopulation when they could instead be civilized and use birth control. In other words, Dr. Nadler’s rabbit would be the subject of scorn from many quarters, even as it went to synagogue and thanked G-d for all the mitzvahs it received.

  • Stephen Nadler 11:41h, 17 April Reply

    [For Gerald Lebowitz]
    “Here’s my impression of Bugs Bunny reading Rabbit, Run: ‘Eh… What’s Updike?'”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 13:31h, 17 April Reply

    SN: Your masterpiece. Quit now, take the money, and run. You’ll never do better than this.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 15:03h, 17 April Reply

    The money, figuratively speaking of course, is measured by the good will you always share with all of us through your humor. You’re a rich man in many more ways than one.

  • Heather Wolfe 17:01h, 17 April Reply

    I’m out of work because the hats are all sold out!”

  • Belle Plummer 23:33h, 17 April Reply

    Perhaps we could have a two garden solution.

  • Scott Eagan 11:28h, 18 April Reply

    I thought it would be safe to steal your carrots on a Saturday. . . I didn’t realize you were Amish.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:13h, 18 April Reply

    “Are you a Jewish Uncle Remus?”

  • Americahaz 12:41h, 19 April Reply

    “I don’t care how cute your daises would look, Dave. I don’t invade your home”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 14:05h, 19 April Reply

    “Please tell me that story again about Brer Rabbit playing a trick on the Conservative rabbi!”

  • Stephen Nadler 14:38h, 19 April Reply

    “How much might it be worth to you if no one were to disturb your crops through, say, Sukkot?”

  • Alan Roy 12:21h, 20 April Reply

    *Rabbit Noises*

  • Alan Roy 12:24h, 20 April Reply

    *Rabbit Noises*
    *Rabbi Noises*

  • Alyssa Hodzic 13:31h, 20 April Reply

    “It’s Shabbat, I’ll take care of it.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 15:14h, 22 April Reply

    SN: It almost looks as if you’ve created a backstory for that great animated/live action movie of the 80’s, “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” in which the title tune character is accused of murder and fights to be cleared. Now, thanks to you, we learn that he really hadn’t been exactly law-abiding before the murder took place.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 13:57h, 23 April Reply

    A long time ago I took an English course in which I wrote a paper that the professor found all kinds of insights in that I had been unaware of. When I went up to him after class, he said that a writer is allowed to claim credit for anything valuable that a reader finds in his work. So you are entitled to that same credit for your piece on the innocent-looking rabbit engaged in his version of the protection racket that later is somehow linked to the Roger Rabbit movie. (By the way, the teacher of my course was Mark Van Doren, the critic and Pulitzer Prize winner for poetry, so his opinion was not just a flash in the pan offered by a teaching assistant.) In any event, I’m confident that your rabbit will beat the rap.

  • Larry Levine 12:16h, 25 April Reply

    You want me to hide the AFIKOMAN next year?

  • Gerald Lebowitz 15:28h, 30 April Reply

    SN: It wouldn’t be MY way, it would be HIS way, but if you think about it, I’m sure that his remark was given tongue in cheek. After all, if you write something and someone interprets it as a call for violence, for example, are you then to be given credit for the mayhem that follows? Anyway, I’m glad that you were impressed; I just wanted to give you this impression. Thanks for the comment, as always.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 15:55h, 30 April Reply

    To Adrian S (quoted from the book “Something Wonderful: Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Broadway Revolution” in a chapter telling how 12-year-old Stephen Sondheim taught Oscar Hammerstein II the game of chess): “Stevie taught Oscar how to play chess, but soon enough the competitive older student beat the young instructor. Sondheim had set a complicated multi-move trap, which Hammerstein eluded at the last moment. “Gosh, you’re getting good,” Sondheim told him. “You saw what I was setting up.”

    “No,” Oscar replied. “I heard your heart beating.”

    • Adrian Storisteanu 18:54h, 30 April Reply

      : – )

      Your rabbit ears cultural antenna covers a wide range of the spectrum…

  • Gerald Lebowitz 16:34h, 30 April Reply

    Man phones his doctor. “Doctor, I’m very worried about my wife’s hearing. It’s getting worse. Can I bring her in to see you?” “Not for a while,” the doctor replies, “but why don’t you test her hearing from various distances so that you can determine exactly how bad her condition is?”

    Man’s wife is in the kitchen making dinner. Man goes upstairs and yells, “Do you need any help?” No reply. Then he comes down and repeats the question. Still no reply. Then he approaches the kitchen. “Do you need any help?” Still no reply. Then he gets very close to her and yells, “Do you need any help?”

    The wife whirls around, furious. “For the fourth time, no!” she screams. 🙂

  • Gerald Lebowitz 16:16h, 01 May Reply

    “If you let me stay with you, I’ll sit on top of your television set and get you the best reception you’ve ever had.”

    Adrian S, the above is your idea, so the credit is yours. (Why would someone buy manufactured rabbit ear antennas when the real ones were around?)

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:34h, 01 May Reply

    “If you take me in, I’ll sit on top of your television set and get you the best reception you’ve ever seen.”

    (Credit for the above goes to Adrian S, who fully understands that it would be foolish to buy an artificial rabbit ears antenna if a real rabbit were around to perform the same service.)

    • Adrian Storisteanu 08:08h, 04 May Reply

      : – )

  • Gerald Lebowitz 18:13h, 04 May Reply

    One morning an old Chinese farmer awakened to find that his herd of prized horses had escaped from his corral during the night and were all gone. His friends and neighbors gathered around to express their sympathies. “The old farmer said, “We’ll see.” The next morning his horses returned, bringing with them a whole group of beautiful wild horses. “How wonderful!” exclaimed his friends. “We’ll see,” said the old farmer again. The next day the farmer’s son tried to break one of the wild horses, but the horse bolted and the son’s leg was broken. Again the old farmer said “We’ll see” when confronted by the consternation of his friends. The following day the emperor’s soldiers arrived to conscript his son to fight in a coming war but couldn’t take him because of his leg. “How fortunate!” exclaimed one of the friends.

    And the farmer smiled once more and said, “We’ll see.”

    Shalom.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 18:24h, 14 May Reply

    “Who would have ever thought that they would pick our house in Jerusalem to be the new U.S. Embassy?”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 18:54h, 14 May Reply

    “I can’t believe how much the cost of housing has gone up here in Israel. Even the birdhouses regularly sell for more than 300,000 shekels.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 19:55h, 14 May Reply

    “I love the new flag. To think, the United States and Israel used to be two separate countries.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 21:58h, 14 May Reply

    To SN: Congratulations on your winning entry. You came through, as usual. (Personally, I’d prefer that she HAD a headache rather than an outfit like that. 🙂

    • Stephen Nadler 22:15h, 14 May Reply

      Thank you. Congratulations to you on your new finalist entry!

  • Dale Stout 23:37h, 14 May Reply

    Down South we call it the Stars and Bar-mitzvahs.

  • Dale Stout 23:44h, 14 May Reply

    It’s the Star Spangled Bar-mitzvah.

  • Dale Stout 00:06h, 15 May Reply

    That flag was sewn by none other than Betsy Rothenstein.

  • Dale Stout 00:26h, 15 May Reply

    It’s the Star of Camp David.

  • Stephen Nadler 00:33h, 15 May Reply

    “And YOU thought they would choose the dollar sign!”

  • Stephen Nadler 00:49h, 15 May Reply

    “Word is Jared and Ivanka still have some pull.”

  • Stephen Nadler 00:56h, 15 May Reply

    “So do you still take off your cap for the national anthem?”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 09:36h, 15 May Reply

    Amazing! No matter how good I think some of my entries are, you guys always put me to shame with the brilliance of your wordplay and fantastic sense of humor. A person truly has to be good to even think of playing in this court.

  • Adrian Storisteanu 13:10h, 15 May Reply

    “Oh, it’s not the quantity, dear.”

  • Adrian Storisteanu 13:11h, 15 May Reply

    “Does IL stand for Illinois or Israel?!”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 15:48h, 15 May Reply

    Humor is a funny thing. I don’t mean that as a pun. I mean funny-strange. It’s funny what we laugh at and what we don’t. For example, I found humor in a story told by Jane Goodall, the primatologist, a story certainly not meant to be funny. Maybe it was just me. The story was that a Yale psychologist saw no reason why chimpanzees and other great apes should not talk. To test out this theory, a baby chimp was placed in the household of another psychologist, Winthrop Kellogg, and his wife, who for several months raised the chimp alongside their own infant son. Soon enough their son was speaking while the chimp, to the Kelloggs’ disappointment, remained mute, although they were convinced that the chimp did understand at least a hundred words. But then–and this is what I found humorous–the experiment was suddenly halted because the Kelloggs’ baby suddenly stopped speaking and began making chimp sounds. I guess it was survival of the fittest, and the chimp had unpredictably turned the tables and imposed his own will on the boy. After all, didn’t Charles Darwin title his book “The DESCENT of Man”?

  • Gerald Lebowitz 15:52h, 16 May Reply

    “Now that we’re old and retired, dear, do you ever think back with longing to the wild days of our youth when we were both Palestinian terrorists?”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 15:57h, 16 May Reply

    (The previous caption came to mind when I wondered how, if he were alive, that wonderfully wicked old cartoonist Charles Addams might have tackled the new cartoon. May he rest in peace.)

  • Dinah Rokach 17:21h, 16 May Reply

    “The 51st state…. The Palestinians are the 52nd. That’s MY two-state solution.”

  • Joshua Rokach 21:09h, 16 May Reply

    The new American Embassy in Jerusalem

  • Gerald Lebowitz 22:00h, 16 May Reply

    DR: Ingenious and totally original, your caption is a very fresh take on the cartoon, and now you’ve left a high bar for the rest of us to try to clear. What a great competitor! Thanks! (Maybe you’ll even win the Nobel Peace Prize for finally figuring out a way to end the conflict–stranger things HAVE happened.)

  • Richard Wolf 14:36h, 17 May Reply

    “I just don’t know Pa, is it too Jewish?”

  • Richard Wolf 14:54h, 17 May Reply

    “The dog days are here Pa. Do you want a nice cold glass of Manischewitz?”

  • Jim Gorman 18:57h, 17 May Reply

    Davy, nobody gets it. So take it down already!

  • Gerald Lebowitz 20:44h, 17 May Reply

    “What do you think, Menachem? Should we let that artist draw us? He keeps saying that he wants to create a painting called ‘Israeli Gothic’ as the Jewish version of Grant Wood’s ‘American Gothic.’ He even said he’d get you your own pitchfork.”

  • Joshua Zev Rokach 15:58h, 18 May Reply

    The Compromise: He wanted aliyah, she didn’t

  • Gerald Lebowitz 16:24h, 18 May Reply

    To JZR: I guess then that your couple found THEIR two-state solution after all. Unfortunately, they can’t set a pattern.in today’s Middle East, where BOTH parties made aliyah and now fight over the same territory. Nice job! Thanks!

  • Gerald Lebowitz 16:00h, 19 May Reply

    “The dove of peace that was supposed to fly here … we even built that house for him … has never shown up. Do you think he decided not to make aliyah?”

  • Stephen Nadler 22:56h, 19 May Reply

    “So now it goes, ‘Oy, say can you see…?'”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 15:25h, 20 May Reply

    To SN: If Francis Scott Key ever saw the above desecration of our national anthem, he’d turn over in his grave.

    (But in spite of your disrespect, your creativity never seems to flag.)

  • Gerald Lebowitz 09:08h, 22 May Reply

    SN: Guilty as charged. I await sentencing (another pun, I fear).

    Your great caption, incidentally, made me realize that there are very short expressions in English that turn into their opposites by simply reversing the letters. For instance, wouldn’t you rather be OK’d for a job than KO’d by an illness? And wouldn’t you rather be spirited and optimistic like Sylvester Stallone in “Rocky” and say “Yo” than downhearted and depressed and say “Oy”?

    Oy, that’s enough for now. Thanks.

  • Marvin Sager 09:30h, 22 May Reply

    The “Yiddish Star & Bars.” This flag signifies the friendship between the United States and Israel. (Es zikh oys dos harts meshugener.)

  • Gerald Lebowitz 13:59h, 22 May Reply

    To Marvin Sager: You’re our resident Yiddish expert with a marvelous sense of humor, so I’m taking the liberty of thinking out loud to you that even though “yo” and “oy” might be conceived as opposites, I don’t suppose there’s any way in which “yo vey” would ever be acceptable as an expression of joy and well being to counter the feeling of despair that oy vey conveys (no pun intended)??

    • Marvin Sager 20:46h, 24 May Reply

      To Gerald Lebowitz: I’m extremely verklempt (choked up) by your gracious remarks. My knowledge of Yiddish is very limited, but my sense of humor or common sense (seykhl) does seem to rescue me on occasion. As far as the “yo vey” is concerned, please freg mir b’kheyrem (ask me a better one). Thanks again for your critique. Until next time, zayt gezunt!

  • Gerald Lebowitz 14:40h, 23 May Reply

    Is there such a thing as Jewish humor? I suppose it’s humor that captures the Jewish way of facing life, that is, with an attitude of skepticism or distrust. There’s an old saying that grim, determined people like to utter as they forge ahead in life: “I never take no for an answer.” Well, the Jew is different. He could easily say, “I never take yes for an answer.” No matter how good things may get, the Jew somehow feels short-changed and looks for imperfections, and Jewish humor reflects this. Consider the classic story of the old lady who takes her einekel (Mr. Sager, grandchild, right?) to the beach for an outing, but not before buying him a sailor suit complete from head to toe. But as the child is playing on the sand, a huge wave suddenly appears and carries him out to sea. The old lady looks up at the heavens, full of desperation. “God, God, please save him! Please save him!” As if in answer, another huge wave appears and safely deposits the boy back on the sand. The old lady takes one look at him, then raises her fist up at the sky: “He had a HAT!” she cries.

    Another story concerns a man whose wife is not well. She lies in bed in a darkened room day after day. Finally the doctor tells him, “What your wife needs is a change of attitude. Why not get something to cheer her up?” The husband gets a bright idea and rushes out to the neighborhood pet store and tells the owner the problem and the owner suggests that he buy a canary. The minute the bird is in the wife’s room it bursts into song and sings as if every lovely melody in the world were in its tiny throat. Miraculously, the wife recovers. The first thing she does is open the blinds to let the sun in. It is then that the husband notices that the bird is limping, that it has only one leg. Furiously he darts back to the pet store. “You cheated me!” he yells. “In my haste I never noticed the bird’s limp.” The pet shop owner looks at him calmly. “Listen, mister,” he says, “what did you want, a singer or a dancer?”

    And the last story concerns a little old man who is crossing the street when a cab makes an unexpected left turn and knocks him down. The cab driver rolls down his window and yells, “Hey, mister, why don’t you watch where you’re going?” The old man, sitting dazedly in the middle of the street, looks up. “Why?” he asks. “Are you coming back?”

    “When,” the Jew asks, “is misfortune going to hit next?” He hopes not today. But to tide him over, he has his amazing humor, which helps him look back and somehow turn the rust to gold.

  • Stephen Nadler 17:25h, 23 May Reply

    ”Sheldon Adelson paid you HOW MUCH?”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 18:16h, 23 May Reply

    SN: Maybe that IS Sheldon Adelson and his wife after they bought the whole country of Israel and replaced the Knesset with a board of directors. 🙂

  • Steven Cardonick 21:32h, 24 May Reply

    The Irving Berlin “God Bless America” flag!

  • Gerald Lebowitz 13:43h, 25 May Reply

    Is it the “God Bless America” flag or Sheldon Adelson’s new corporate logo? (Thanks, Stephen Nadler,, for alerting us to this possibility.)

  • Mark Goldenberg 19:03h, 25 May Reply

    Caption for June 20 cartoon:

    “I got it at the gift shop at the US Embassy in Jerusalem.”

    Mark Goldenberg
    Beverly Hills, CA

  • Gerald Lebowitz 13:57h, 26 May Reply

    To Marvin Sager, your humor is understated, not obvious pie-in-the-face humor but, like a paper cut, slips in close to the bone and, almost before we know it, captures us , reminding me of the American humorist Sam Levenson, who once told a story of going to shul with his father on the first Shabbat after his bar mitzvah. As they were praying, the father suddenly leaned over and whispered to him, “Louder, louder,” and the boy who was Sam Levenson perplexedly replied, “Am I talking to YOU?” Like his, your humor slips through all our defenses. Please keep it up. A sheynem dank!

  • Susan Sherzer, Palm Beach,FL 21:18h, 26 May Reply

    Caption for cartoon in May/June 2018 issue”

    “I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 20:05h, 27 May Reply

    Mr. Sager’s humor reminded me of the wit of American humorist Sam Levenson, but once activated, the faucet of memory can’t so easily be turned off. Here’s one other of his stories that I remember …

    Mr. Levenson was born in the early 1900’s to a poor family living on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. His mother wanted to instill learning and culture in her children and managed to buy a piano for them. One day when he was about nine years old, Sam sat down to his daily practice and for whatever reason slammed his hands down on the keyboard. His mother rushed in and yelled at him: “If you keep on doing that, you’ll break the instrument.” The young boy looked up. “Why?” he asked innocently. “How does the piano know that it’s not Mozart?”

    No more Sam Levenson stories, I promise. (But I’m happy I was reminded of them.)

  • Stephen Nadler 01:31h, 28 May Reply

    “Why do you suppose it isn’t trending?”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 11:42h, 28 May Reply

    FYI: Two interesting articles this month on myjewishlearning.com: One is by Simcha Weinstein and is titled “Superman: From Cleveland to Krypton: The Man of Steel’s Jewish Roots,” and the other is Arie Kaplan’s “How American Jews Created the Comic Book Industry.”

  • Dale Stout 08:07h, 31 May Reply

    ‘Merica Is-Real

  • Gerald Lebowitz 10:06h, 31 May Reply

    To Dale Stout: You have a positive genius for taking words apart and rearranging the letters to create breathtaking new combinations and meanings which are completely appropriate and original. For example, in the last contest you came up with “Lettuce pray,” which was certainly better than my entry, and “I thought I heard a Nor’ Easter” And now “It’s the Star of Camp David” and “”Merica Is-Real.” I’ve long thought that there are words like “therapist” which could be rearranged to form “the rapist,” but what humor could be derived from such a split? Also, the word “apart” means separated even though the letters are together while separating the letters to form “a part” creates a phrase that means together. Strange language, but you have certainly mastered it.

    I can hardly wait to see what combinations you come up with next!

    • Dale Stout 19:21h, 01 June Reply

      Thank you, Gerald. I’ve had a lot of practice trying to say or write funny things at work – it has helped take off some of the edge from stress.. (There’s also probably a lot of ‘therapists’ in prison). And I like to say that brainstorming is very enlightening. Thank you, Dale

  • Gerald Lebowitz 23:01h, 01 June Reply

    Dale, thanks for the comment, but it leaves us with a conundrum. Apparently the more stress you’re subjected to, the more humor you produce, sort of like the oyster’s protecting itself from irritation by forming the pearl. Should we then, selfishly, hope for more stress to occur in order to enjoy the beautiful pearls of humor that you produce?

  • Gerald Lebowitz 13:17h, 03 June Reply

    “Every time I finish knitting a flag, the Israeli government changes the pattern so that I have to start all over again.”

    • Marvin Sager 12:33h, 04 June Reply

      To Gerald Lebowitz (A vilde neshome.): Ver volt es gegleybt? Der mentsh trakht, un Got lakht. Perhaps the best solution is to take up painting instead of knitting. Or, practice more needed laughter (A gelekhter hert men vayter vi a geveyn!). Just trying to brighten your day. Mit di beste grusm, Marvin

  • Stephen Nadler 20:50h, 03 June Reply

    “Tell me what you dreamed and I’ll tell you what it meant.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 14:50h, 04 June Reply

    “Sitting here on the porch in our retirement years would’ve been boring, Moishe, if you hadn’t had the clever idea to put up this Rorschach flag so that we could listen to all the things the meshuggeners who pass by say they see in it.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 16:24h, 04 June Reply

    To Marvin S: Thanks very, very much for your message. I didn’t understand a lot of it, but it cheered me up immensely. 🙂

    (Proving once again that the spirit in which words are sent is more important than the words themselves.)

    • Marvin Sager 12:49h, 05 June Reply

      To Gerald Lebowitz: Repeat Message In English.

      To Gerald Lebowitz (A wild soul.): Who would have believed this? A man thinks, and God laughs. Perhaps the best solution is to take up painting instead of knitting. Or, practice more needed laughter (Laughter is heard farther than weeping!) Just trying to brighten your day. With best regards, Marvin

      Please note: There is always something lacking in translation!

  • Gerald Lebowitz 16:24h, 05 June Reply

    To Marvin S Thanks again for your good wishes. They would make anyone’s day much brighter. Sometimes, however, messages are better when they’re not translatable, when they hover between sound and sense as in poetry or in the nonsense verses of Lewis Carroll. Clare Boothe Luce once protested the translation of the Roman Catholic Mass into English because she said that knowing what the words meant and following them during services was a block to true contemplation. And a Zen Buddhist priest once made the priceless remark that the sound of the rain needs no translation. (But of course I had to make sense to send this message of appreciation to you. 🙂

  • Gerald Lebowitz 21:54h, 06 June Reply

    “Life has become so complicated. Since Israel and the United States have merged, what we now need is a 52-state solution.”

    • Adrian Storisteanu 08:45h, 07 June Reply

      : – )

  • Gerald Lebowitz 09:15h, 07 June Reply

    To AS: Thank you, old friend. Your spirit always hovers above all our individual entries.

  • Sandy Levine 17:48h, 13 June Reply

    Finally!

  • Stephen Nadler 01:19h, 15 June Reply

    “Jew-S-A! Jew-S-A!”

    • Jim Gorman 11:16h, 15 June Reply

      Nailed it. We have a winner!

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:41h, 15 June Reply

    “Tell me, is it that the wind is moving the flag or that the flag is moving the wind; or is it just that both of us have been sitting here for too long without moving?”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 13:46h, 16 June Reply

    To SN: “Jew know, that’s a pretty good caption that you submitted. I think I’m going to walk over to the refrigerator now and toast to your success with a clear cold glass of orange jews. (Or maybe even grape jews–I’m not prejudiced one way or another.) If your entry does win the contest, I know that you’ll be jewbilant.

  • Tim Collins 15:40h, 17 June Reply

    “They won’t know whether to salute, bow, genuflect, make the sign-of-the-cross or send a prayer note
    on twitter!”

  • Tim Collins 15:50h, 17 June Reply

    “Well I’ll be, a Yankee Doodle Brisket!”

  • Tim Collins 15:50h, 17 June Reply

    “They should be so lucky!”

  • Tim Collins 15:53h, 17 June Reply

    “I knew we’d get to use them again!”

  • Tim Collins 15:56h, 17 June Reply

    “Does this mean Hanukkah is just one day now?”

  • Tim Collins 15:58h, 17 June Reply

    “It does look like something Max Bialystok and Leo Bloom would do”!

  • Tim Collins 16:11h, 17 June Reply

    “That’s funny, Trump doesn’t look Jewish!”

  • Tim Collins 16:14h, 17 June Reply

    “You’re kidding me, her real name was Betsy Rossenberg, who knew?”

  • Tim Collins 16:22h, 17 June Reply

    “Mur-reey,I love it!” “Most of the illegals call it the Jewnited States of a America, now anyway!”

  • Alan Friedman 11:43h, 19 June Reply

    Oh George , is that the flag for the Star Up nation we keep hearing about?

  • Gerald Lebowitz 15:24h, 20 June Reply

    Just when I thought that maybe all the creativity available for this contest had burned itself out, along come Tim Collins and Alan Friedman shining as brightly as the Halley’s Comet that marked the birth of Mark Twain. Thanks, guys!

  • Stephen Nadler 23:38h, 20 June Reply

    “I know you’re a proud American, Zeke. Is there something else you want to tell me?”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:15h, 30 June Reply

    “Well, Ma, I suppose it’s time for me to confess: I was once known as Clark Kent, star reporter for the Daily Planet newspaper in Metropolis, but after an encounter with red kryptonite permanently robbed me of all my powers, I was forced to flee here to sit out the rest of my days here on the porch with you.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 09:10h, 05 July Reply

    To Webmaster: Would it be possible for us to start the next contest on a cleaner slate by deleting some or all of the 186 prior entries remaining on the site so that we won’t have to scroll down this long list every time we enter? The future is what counts, not the past. Many thanks!

  • Dale Stout 12:19h, 05 July Reply

    I hope everyone had a Happy 4th of Jew-ly.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 14:34h, 05 July Reply

    Thanks for your good wishes. The 4th of Jew-ly was certainly much warmer and sparkly than the 4th of Jew-ne. Meanwhile, the best of luck to you on your entry’s winning the previous contest!

  • Gerald Lebowitz 21:44h, 10 July Reply

    To Dale Stout: You’re a man of few words, so I too will be brief. Your caption deserved to win. Congratulations and best wishes always!

    • Dale Stout 04:49h, 11 July Reply

      Thank you! :^)

  • Gerald Lebowitz 21:49h, 10 July Reply

    “I guess I was stupid to decline the free megaphone they offered me when I accepted the job of pulpit rabbi here. But who knew?”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 21:57h, 10 July Reply

    “From now on I’m not going to waste time preparing anything to say. I’ll just hum the sermon.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 22:58h, 10 July Reply

    “HaShem, would it be so very wrong of me to pray for a power outage?”

  • Dale Stout 04:50h, 11 July Reply

    I like this one.

  • Dale Stout 04:54h, 11 July Reply

    I meant ‘Keep it Simple, Stupid’ not KISS.

  • Dale Stout 05:01h, 11 July Reply

    Where’s Gene Simmons when you need him?

  • Dale Stout 05:09h, 11 July Reply

    Either you can or you cantor.

  • Dale Stout 05:17h, 11 July Reply

    R-E-S-P-E-C-T, that’s what Rabbi means to me.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 08:46h, 11 July Reply

    “”Either that’s the way he styles his hair or he’s being electrocuted.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 14:26h, 11 July Reply

    “After all my years as a rabbi, I’d never realized until now that ‘Adon Olam’ was classic rock.”

  • Rob Huffman 19:47h, 11 July Reply

    “And now please allow Cantor Ari Goldfarb to kiss the sky.”

  • Rob Huffman 19:52h, 11 July Reply

    “He calls himself the Rock Star of David.”

  • Rob Huffman 19:58h, 11 July Reply

    “Definitely missing little Artie’s ‘Sounds of Silence’ right about now.”

  • Rob Huffman 20:06h, 11 July Reply

    “He used to play with the Rolling Steins.”

  • Rob Huffman 20:09h, 11 July Reply

    “As you know, today is Bring Your Son to Work Day…..”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 09:29h, 12 July Reply

    “I wish I could be Captain Kirk for just one moment so that I could order, ‘Bimah him up, Scotty,’ and he would be transported back to the Starship Enterprise and out of my aching ears.”

    (Please forgive me. This must be the worst pun ever perpetrated.)

  • Dinah Rokach 18:49h, 12 July Reply

    The L-rd is my rock (Psalms 18:2)

  • Gerald Lebowitz 20:24h, 12 July Reply

    To DR: My entries have been circling the cartoon, jabbing and weaving and groping for cleverness. But in your five little words, you’ve nailed it, you’ve pierced the very core of the set-up with your play on the word “rock.” fusing the physical and the spiritual. If you ever enter an archery or dart-throwing contest, please tell us; I couldn’t lose by betting my money on you.

  • Stephen Nadler 21:26h, 12 July Reply

    “Welcome to the Shul of Rock.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 21:52h, 12 July Reply

    “The difference between you and me, young man, is that G-d is my rock while rock is your G-d.”

    (Thanks, DR)

  • mom 23:00h, 12 July Reply

    I said come up to the PULPIT not the MOSH PIT.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 23:19h, 12 July Reply

    “Now I can finally understand the Christian hymn ‘Rock of Ages.’ It means that every age chooses its own kind of rock.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 23:30h, 12 July Reply

    Revision: “Now I really understand the great Christian hymn ‘Rock of Ages.’ It means that every age rolls with its own kind of rock.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 11:39h, 13 July Reply

    One doesn’t have to be a dentist to know when there’s a cavity. Well, there’s an empty space here due to the absence of one of our most prolific and ingenious captioners: Adrian Storisteano.

    Where are you? How are you? It’s not like you not to be among the first to jump in to a contest with a clever quip.

    How about sending us a small paragraph?

    A sentence?

    Even just an emoji?

    Thanks.

    • Adrian Storisteanu 17:50h, 14 July Reply

      Hi Gerald, thanks for the kind words. My sense of humor (such as it is) is currently employed full-time in dealing with two granddaughters, aged 3 and 7 (and, frankly, with their mom : – )), who came over for summer vacation. So, for now, just an emoticon. Nah, two (I’m in a generous mood): 😎

  • Richard Wolf 09:54h, 14 July Reply

    “And the Lord sayeth, shred thee from all sin.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 13:48h, 14 July Reply

    “That guitarist and I–as unlikely as it may seem–have one thing in common: I write my sermons and he makes his music, and we both do our jobs by fretting.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 13:56h, 14 July Reply

    Sorry, RW, I forgot to give you the credit for my caption, suggested by your word “shred,” which is a kind of synonym for “fret.” Yours is a great line. Thanks.

  • Richard Wolf 15:46h, 14 July Reply

    “How about I handle the encore?”

  • Joshua Zev Rokach 22:41h, 14 July Reply

    “Now we turn to the Song of Songs.”

  • William Agress 23:03h, 14 July Reply

    Cantor Bruce will now sing “Worn by the UJA”.

  • William Agress 23:12h, 14 July Reply

    We’ll conclude with ADONOLAM in the style of Jimmi Hendrix.

  • William Agress 23:19h, 14 July Reply

    Before the Oneg Shabbat, Cantor Bruce will perform his new song ” Hungry for Halvah”.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 11:12h, 15 July Reply

    “I have to admit that the loud blues music he’s blasting goes particularly well with this week’s parashah about the fall of man from the garden.”

    (I’m floored. One gem after another from you guys. How can anyone compete?)

  • Jim Gorman 11:19h, 15 July Reply

    “Jacob, your cover of ‘Hava Nagilia’ is very interesting. But your take on tefillin and the payot has got to go!”

  • Marvin Sager 12:36h, 15 July Reply

    Kosher music “spiked” to dull the senses with or without booze.

  • William Agress 18:50h, 15 July Reply

    To some they are the High Holidays but to our new Cantor they are the Glory Days.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 21:34h, 15 July Reply

    To AS: Thanks very much for easing my mind. Your presence is always uplifting. You’ll find a different cast of characters here since you last checked in, and they’re amazing! Their creativity is crackling, with each submission better than the last. It’s almost impossible to top them. As to your situation, there must be something called a Humor Gene, which your granddaughters must undoubtedly possess passed down from you. So why not let them enter the contest in your place? You know the old saying: “Out of the mouths of babes …” I eagerly await their gems. 🙂

  • Dale Stout 23:46h, 15 July Reply

    Give it up for Bruce Springstein singing “Born in the Jew-S-A”.

    (A conglomeration congregation conflagration with sampling thanks to Stephen Nadler for ‘Jew-S-A’ and William Agress for ‘Cantor Bruce’).

  • Richard Wolf 10:17h, 16 July Reply

    “Now we know what hell may be like.”

  • Marvin Sager 15:34h, 16 July Reply

    Shoyn genug. Fardrey zikh dayn kop. This is a shul, and not the GONG Show!

  • Stephen Nadler 20:49h, 16 July Reply
  • Gerald Lebowitz 09:10h, 17 July Reply

    “This is the modern version of the Song of Songs? I think I just heard King Solomon turning over in his grave.”

    (credit:JZR)

  • Stan Goldman 18:26h, 17 July Reply

    “Let us pray for his proposed Aliyah, may it come already”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 09:12h, 18 July Reply

    To SN: In trying to figure out why you submitted a blank entry (20:49h, 16 July), I’ve come up with three possibilities. The first is that, like most scholars, you’ve found that as you continue studying, you’ve been learning more and more about less and less until finally you’ve reached the pinnacle and find that you now know everything about nothing, and you want to share this nothing with us.

    The second possibility is that you’ve become a follower of that Taoist sage Lao Tzu, whose famous statement is that he who knows doesn’t speak while he who speaks doesn’t know, and you’ve attained the true state of knowledge.

    The third possibility, of course, is that before you sent in your entry you hit the delete key by mistake.

    🙂

    • Stephen Nadler 10:27h, 18 July Reply

      A fourth possibility is that I tried to leave a thumbs up emoji on Dale Stout’s most recent entry and failed utterly.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 13:30h, 18 July Reply

    The fifth possibility, which I hadn’t wanted to mention, was that you considered Dr. Schwartz’s cartoon self-explanatory and therefore in no need of any caption at all.

    If that were the fact, your non-caption might’ve won the contest and you might have been awarded a no-prize to be delivered to you in no time.

    Anyway, the mystery has now been solved, to everyone’s non-relief. (I had never thought that a missing emoji could cause such confusion.)

  • Stephen Nadler 22:26h, 18 July Reply

    “You know we’re forbidden to ham it up.”

  • William Agress 01:15h, 19 July Reply

    “Oh Jews do that something dududududu every seventh day. Yeah Jews do that something dududududu they go to Shul and pray”

  • Alan LaPayover 14:37h, 20 July Reply

    OK, so there are 614 versions of Adon Olam!

  • Gerald Lebowitz 20:37h, 20 July Reply

    “Since he started playing his version of ‘Lecha Dodi’ every Friday evening, the Sabbath Bride has absolutely refused to appear.”

    • Jim Gorman 10:55h, 21 July Reply

      Good one Gerald. The picture of a punk rocker stepping up on a Friday night and laying down an alternative rendition of “Lecha Dodi” is something my mind’s eye just can’t unsee.

  • KL 08:23h, 21 July Reply

    I said “temple” not “tempo.”

  • Karin 08:50h, 21 July Reply

    Hmmm,…the temple is right, but the melody’s wrong.

  • Jim Gorman 11:07h, 21 July Reply

    Let us all welcome a former member of the Maccabeats who was asked to leave when he tried to work a Jew’s Harp into an arrangement.

  • Stephen Nadler 02:52h, 22 July Reply

    “What psalm is it you wanna hear?”

  • John Brabham 09:16h, 22 July Reply

    I have been at this too long. The idea of a contemporary jewish service is an oxymoron.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 11:54h, 22 July Reply

    “Good evening, ladies and germs. Welcome to Temple Beth-El’s first comedy special , featuring the Rabbi and the Rocker, ready to lift your ruachs. I’ll sermonize, he’ll harmonize, we’ll both circumsize your woes. So give us your attention, don’t turn down your nose , and we’ll have you all laughing before we bring this to a close. For our first selection, our conception of ‘Kol Nidre.’ I bet you never heard it played this way before …”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 14:05h, 22 July Reply

    “He really makes the 23rd psalm come alive, especially the part about walking through the valley of the shadow of death.”

    (Thanks, SN)

  • Gerald Lebowitz 15:00h, 22 July Reply

    “I can’t figure out whether that’s a melody or a malady.”

  • Stephen Nadler 19:27h, 22 July Reply

    “Today I am eliminating the Cantor’s Discretionary Fund.”

  • Larry Lesser 11:04h, 23 July Reply

    I don’t think “Losin’ My Religion” speaks for all of us…

  • Larry Lesser 11:07h, 23 July Reply

    Your medley of Christmas songs may be written by Jews, but it still doesn’t belong here!

  • Larry Lesser 12:49h, 23 July Reply

    After you’re done using your cell phones as “lighters”, please remember to keep them silenced during the Amidah.

  • Larry Lesser 13:42h, 23 July Reply

    I didn’t say “play a solo”, I said “play so low that it doesn’t drown out our singing”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:30h, 23 July Reply

    To LL: That’s a very funny line. Did you have Chico Marx in mind when you wrote it? That’s just the way he would have pronounced “play so low” so as to sound like “play a solo.” Welcome to the fray. Your talent with words is awesome, and like cream you’re rising to the top.

    • Lawrence Lesser 12:17h, 30 July Reply

      thanks for your kind words, Gerald! this is my first time entering the Moment contest and I had a good time doing it! no, I wasn’t thinking about Chico Marx, though I use Marx a lot when I need to permanently label materials of various surfaces

  • Sheri Knauth 13:00h, 24 July Reply

    Welcome our new Cantor. He attracts the base.

  • Larry Leifer 13:23h, 24 July Reply

    Hit that Rock (and Roll) Moishe!

    • Adrian Storisteanu 00:53h, 25 July Reply

      Apropos Rock:

      “I am a Stein, I am an island…”

  • William Agress 22:52h, 24 July Reply

    Cantor John Paul is singing his new Shabbat song ” Oh I believe in Saturday “.

  • jeff day 07:17h, 25 July Reply

    I said you could come BACK, and play ON THE Sabbath!

  • Carol Emery 15:25h, 25 July Reply

    You’re not Orthodox, are you?

  • Orie Raphael 17:29h, 25 July Reply

    Cantor Cohen, this is not the bar mitzvah party!

  • John Brabham 13:41h, 26 July Reply

    Some say this is the Messiah for which we have waited for so long. But, others say this child of god was just ask to take a sabbatical from heaven.

  • Scott Evans 20:08h, 26 July Reply

    Do you know any Ashkenazi Osbourne?

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:45h, 27 July Reply

    “Nobody wants to get into a fender bender while driving a car, but I hope that you’ll enjoy this musical Fender-bender with our very talented acoustic guitarist and cantor giving his impassioned rendition of that great Jewish classic ‘I Have a Little Dreidel.'”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 21:12h, 27 July Reply

    Welcome to the contest Scott Evans, an accomplished surveyor of the human predicament whose many books are written with great insight about all those who somehow can’t fit into the cookie-cutter society in which we live and yet are leavened with humor to make his wisdom easier to assimilate. A pleasure to see you among us!

    • Scott Evans 12:56h, 30 July Reply

      Wow. Thank you for your kind words Gerald Lebowitz. I may have to use them for the jacket of my book.

  • Robin Klein 11:56h, 28 July Reply

    Religious Experience

  • Robin Klein 11:59h, 28 July Reply

    Can I Get An Amen

  • Robin Klein 12:00h, 28 July Reply

    We Rock!

  • Gerald Lebowitz 15:45h, 28 July Reply

    May I share some Grooks with you? (This was not a rhetorical question. I actually waited five minutes and didn’t hear any word of dissent, so I’ll proceed.) Grooks were created bu Piet Hein, a scientist turned poet during the Nazi occupation of Denmark. In our country, these would’ve been called light verse. Anyway, I’ve always found them marvelous. Here are three. Please forgive me:

    SIMPLY ASSISTING GOD

    I am a humble artist
    moulding my earthly clod,
    adding my labour to nature’s,
    simply assisting God.

    Not that my effort is needed;
    yet somehow I understand,
    my master has willed it that I too should have
    unmoulded clay in my hand.

    A PSYCHOLOGICAL TIP

    Whenever you’re called on to make up your mind,
    and you’re hampered by not having any,
    the best way to solve the dilemma, you’ll find,
    is simply by spinning a penny.

    No–not so that chance should decide the affair
    while you’re passively standing there moping;
    but the moment the penny is up in the air,
    you suddenly know what you’re hoping.

    And one last (hoping I haven’t worn out my welcome):

    PRAYER

    Sun that givest all things birth,
    shine on everything on earth!

    If that’s too much to demand,
    shine at least on this our land.

    If even that’s too much for thee,
    shine at any rate on me.

  • Stephen Nadler 19:14h, 29 July Reply

    “I’m not used to hearing feedback during my sermon.”

  • Marvin Sager 10:57h, 30 July Reply

    The spiritual leader of Las Vegas has been reported missing. Warning: Elvis Nudnik (Er kert iber di velt) is turning the world upside down! If he is in your shul, then call the proper authorities and have him incarcerated for trying to impersonate a cantor.

  • Josh Fixler 00:16h, 31 July Reply

    Rabbi Berger found himself daydreaming during the Amidah again.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:51h, 31 July Reply

    “From now on we are going to be substituting for your regular rabbi on the weekends. He has been thoroughly studying the Mishnah and has concluded that coming to shul and delivering a sermon is
    work expressly prohibited on the Sabbath.”

  • Mitchell Weitzman 09:27h, 01 August Reply

    I know my sermons rock, but I never expected this.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 14:42h, 01 August Reply

    “Welcome to services at B’nai Ostentatious.
    Our synagogue is spacious,
    Our rav is sagacious,
    Especially when he discusses bereishis,
    And even our music is very audacious.
    What are we? We’re certainly not in a box.
    Just say as a shul we are unorthodox.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 09:24h, 02 August Reply

    “I never thought that we’d have to resort to something like this in order to get our congregation back and away from their smartphones.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 11:31h, 02 August Reply

    “Since we introduced our all-inclusive app, nobody’s coming to shul anymore.”

  • Adrian Storisteanu 16:06h, 02 August Reply

    “Haven’t the Jewish people suffered enough?”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 16:39h, 02 August Reply

    AS: 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

  • Gerald Lebowitz 18:13h, 02 August Reply

    To AS: It occurs to me that I might be giving credit for your caption to the wrong person. Did your seven-year-old granddaughter take over for you in this instance? Or perhaps even the three year old might have been capable since she too must be carrying your humor gene?

    In the end, though, it really doesn’t matter who hit the ball. The important thing is that it went way over the right-field fence. 🙂

    • Adrian Storisteanu 12:10h, 03 August Reply

      Ha-hah, yes, the girls would do a better job any time… (The older one is nowadays busy with Calvin and Hobbes (and rolls her eyes at the occasional New Yorker cartoon I pick to show her).)

  • Scott Evans 22:22h, 02 August Reply

    I don’t believe I’ve ever heard such a stirring rendition of The Dreidel Song.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 14:32h, 03 August Reply

    “We are proud to present Moloch, the lead guitarist for the Gehenna Band, in a concert designed to excite and inflame, especially designed for those who didn’t show up for services last Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 14:52h, 03 August Reply

    To AS, yes, your older granddaughter has good taste, especially if she doesn’t like the crop of current New Yorker cartoons and is taken with Calvin and Hobbes, that marvelous old strip that ran until cartoonist Bill Watterson got tired of doing it and threw in the towel so that he could concentrate on his own paintings. Would it be too early to introduce her to the philosophies of the real Calvin and Hobbes? At the very least you could buy her something by Calvin Klein. Glad you’re back.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 14:51h, 04 August Reply

    AS: A current comic strip your granddaughter might enjoy is “Zits,” by Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman, about a sixteen-year-old high school sophomore and hopeful rock musician. I think it’s one of the best and VERY funny, contrasting Jeremy’s view of the world with his parents’ more staid outlook. I know, I know, Jeremy is sixteen while she’s only seven, but she certainly seems bright and sensitive and imaginative enough (after all, she is YOUR granddaughter) to appreciate the humor.

    (This suggestion, of course, comes with no guarantees, so there can’t be any basis for a lawsuit.) 🙂

    • Adrian Storisteanu 21:10h, 04 August Reply

      : – ) I’ll certainly take a look, thanks for the suggestion!

  • Dale Stout 15:51h, 04 August Reply

    He’s also a member of ‘Guns and Rosenthal’s’.

  • Dale Stout 18:02h, 04 August Reply

    He’s from ‘Guns and Rosen’.

  • David Sacks 14:13h, 05 August Reply

    ”And now, with a blast from the past, Cantor Coolevitch will lead us in a rockin’ Mi Kamocha.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 16:31h, 05 August Reply

    A young guy still in yeshiva asks a young woman to marry him. She’s from a wealthy home, and her father is anxious to talk to him. How, for example, is he going to support his daughter, who’s been accustomed to only the very finest things?

    The father begins. “How do you intend to make a living?” he asks. The young man replies, “G-d will provide.” “How about a beautiful house for her to live in?” the father persists. The young man repeats, “G-d will provide.” “How about beautiful clothes and vacations?” “Again, “G-d will provide.”

    Later the father returns home. “”What do you think?” both daughter and wife ask in unison. The father beams. “”The young man is absolutely wonderful. I like him VERY much. I’m so flattered. Imagine that! He thinks I’m G-d.”

  • Melody Savala 01:58h, 06 August Reply

    So. The Cantor can, but perhaps he shouldn’t.

  • Melody Savala 02:04h, 06 August Reply

    ” Rock Hashanah SEEMED like a good idea…”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 22:40h, 08 August Reply

    AS: In addition to the usual authors, has your granddaughter gotten acquainted with Shel Silverstein {“The Giving Tree,” “The Missing Piece,” etc.)? Also, by now she must be good at chess, tutored by a master strategist, yes?

    • Adrian Storisteanu 21:22h, 10 August Reply

      Like everything in life, it’s a work (game) in progress. . .

  • Lois Karhinen 15:57h, 09 August Reply

    Rhythm and Jews, the new Rock and Roll!

    • Dale Stout 16:31h, 10 August Reply

      Good one!

  • Gerald Lebowitz 21:41h, 09 August Reply

    To Melody Savala, you have a nice ear for the sounds of words, making them splash playfully like water over pebbles in a pool. Dale Stout and others also do this very well. I could picture you writing lyrics for musical theater in the mischievous style of an Ira Gershwin. The big problem, of course, would be that you probably don’t have a brother like George Gershwin to provide the music. And, of course, song lyrics aren’t what they used to be. Please contribute more. Thanks.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 14:53h, 11 August Reply

    An awful man died. Nobody in the Jewish community had a kind thing to say about him. The rabbi tried desperately to get someone to deliver the eulogy at his funeral service. Finally, to everyone’s relief, someone came forward who was willing to do it. On the day of the service he climbed the dais and looked down at the crowd, which waited expectantly. Finally the man frowned and then uttered just four words before walking off. The eulogy? “His brother was WORSE!”

    Speaking of eulogies, that famous vaudevillian of the early twentieth century, George Jessel, made it a business later in his life to give eulogies. One day he delivered a particularly glowing remembrance of the deceased at a service which made everyone cry, including the gravediggers. At the end the rabbi approached him and said, “That was so moving, Mr. Jessel, your words almost brought the man back to life. It was the most amazing tribute I’ve ever heard in all my life.” Jessel waved away the compliment. “I could’ve done much better,” he said, “if I had actually known the man.”

  • Timothy Anderson 10:26h, 12 August Reply

    For this, I ask for something nice and what do I get, rock the casbah.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 20:26h, 12 August Reply

    To AS: It was good that you wrote “work in progress” rather than the often-used “work in process,” since the former implies upward progression rather than just change. Onward and upward or, as Stan Lee used to say, “Excelsior!” Your granddaughters are very lucky to have you bring out the very best in them! May the curve always move up!

  • Gerald Lebowitz 14:29h, 15 August Reply

    “Members of the congregation, you’ve all heard of rhythm and blues. Well, let us introduce you tonight to a new type of music, rhythm and Jews. Now, you may ask, how can “Jews” replace “blues”? Easy. We Jews like to kvetch, so even when we’re supposed to be happy, we look as if we always have the blues. Even the word “enjoy” has an “oy” in it. Ray Charles, if you can hear this in Heaven, I apologize for what we’re doing to your music, but I hope that the rest of you here feel it in your neshomehs.”

    (This is based on the absolutely marvelous caption submitted by Lois Karhinen. I’ll be very surprised if her entry is not one of the winners.)

  • Marvin Sager 18:09h, 15 August Reply

    The spiritual leader of Las Vegas ( Elvis Nudnik / alias Rabbi Elvis Nudnik ) was spotted entering a house of ill repute. It was reported that after an exhausting music exhibition at a local shul, Rabbi Elvis Nudnik requested a “lady of the evening” provide sexual services with kosher methods. One young girl sheepishly indicated that she was prepared for this procedure. She led Rabbi Elvis Nudnik into a room, then undressed. Next, she jumped into bed and immediately admitted she did not know kosher. But, she told Rabbi Elvis Nudnik, “If you teach me Kosher, then I will let you have the sex for half price!” Then Rabbi Elvis Nudnik replied, “O.K., das ist kosher.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 12:48h, 17 August Reply

    Uh, oh, MS, like Captain Kirk, you’ve gone “where no man has gone before,” at least in taking the humor on this site in a new direction. But following your lead, the classic story in the genre you’ve introduced is of the newly widowed rabbi who feels very lonely and approaches a woman on the street. “Excuse me,” he says, “could you have an affair with me for two dollars?” The woman is indignant. “What kind of woman do you think I am?” she shouts. “O.K.,” the rabbi continues, ” then how about two million dollars?” The woman pauses. “Well,” the rabbi continues, “now that we’ve established the parameters, can we now negotiate?”

  • David Sacks 15:00h, 17 August Reply

    ”…And now, with a blast from the past, Cantor Cooly Kulevitch will rock us with “Ma’oz Tzur”

  • Marvin Sager 16:03h, 17 August Reply

    After hearing about Rabbi Elvis Nudnik’s musical rendition in a local shul, he was invited to attend a multicultural religious gathering at a holy shrine. The Pope was to address the attendance and give a sermon on the sins of gambling. There were four clergy ( a Baptist Minister, a Catholic Priest, a Buddhist Monk, and Rabbi Elvis Nudnik) in an isolated room playing poker and betting money. As the Pope approached the room, the four clergy removed the cards and the money from the table. The Pope had a suspicion that illegal gambling was taking place. When the Pope entered the room, he asked the Baptist Minister, “Were you gambling?” The Baptist Minister said, “No, your Holiness, I am a pious man.” The Pope turned to the Catholic Priest and asked, “Were you gambling?” “No, your Grace.” I believe in the tenets of the church. Next, the Pope asked the Buddhist Monk, “Were you gambling?” Again, the Buddhist Monk issued a denial. Then, the Pope asked Rabbi Elvis Nudnik if he was gambling. The Rabbi Elvis Nudnik looked around the room and said, “Mit who?”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 16:53h, 17 August Reply

    To MS: O.K., I admit defeat. Your story, in both the content as well as the pacing, trumped (with apologies to the current president) mine. Good shabbos, my friend.

    • Marvin Sager 17:24h, 17 August Reply

      To GL: You are my inspiration and mentor. You always tend to encourage me with your astute comments and wisdom. Only on my best day could I ever come close to trumping you. Please keep up your good talents, as I always enjoy your entries. Shalom, my bosom buddy.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:26h, 17 August Reply

    MS: The ending of your most recent excellent joke, by the way, reminds me of another story with the same ending. It seems that one day a man’s stockbroker phoned him with a tip. A certain over-the-counter stock was selling at 3 and1/8 and was a good bet, he said, so the man bought 1000 shares. The stock went up a point and the man was ecstatic. The next day the broker called again and recommended another purchase of the same stock, so the man bought another 1000 shares. The stock promptly went up another point and the man was in heaven, counting his winnings. Over the course of the month the man bought more and more and more and the stock went up and up and up. Finally the stock was at 14 and the customer had had enough. He called his broker. “Sell everything,” he said.

    And the broker replied, “To whom?” 🙂

  • Marvin Sager 20:21h, 17 August Reply

    GL: Did you hear about Rabbi Elvis Nudnik deciding to take a boat trip for a vacation. Out to sea, the boat was overloaded with people and began taking on much water. The captain proclaimed that the boat will sink unless three people voluntarily jump overboard. A native American Indian approached the bow of the boat, yelled “Geronimo,” and jumped overboard. Then, a Frenchman went to the bow of the boat, and shouted, “Vive la France” and jumped overboard. The crazy Rabbi Elvis Nudnik went to the front of the boat, and yelled, “Remember the Holocaust!” Then he picked-up a small neo-Nazi and threw him overboard.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 20:41h, 17 August Reply

    MS, thanks for your kind words, but they’re misplaced. I’m only a function of the site, a small finger on a large hand, constantly amazed and stimulated by the aptness of the entries. I’ve learned that there is no one true interpretation of any picture, that no one has the last word, that each of us brings equal strength. I get much more than I give. So in a deep sense what you see is your own reflection, like a dewdrop reflecting all the other dewdrops in a field. You’re the one bringing light into this world, and it’s to you and everybody else that I owe thanks.

    thank you.

  • Marvin Sager 21:41h, 17 August Reply

    GL: The saga of Rabbi Elvis Nudnik shall continue …

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:27h, 19 August Reply

    From Loren Eiseley’s “The Star Thrower”:

    “Early one morning an elderly man was walking along the beach after a big storm. The sand was littered with starfish that had been washed ashore and were helplessly stranded.

    “The man saw a young boy approaching. As he came near he picked up a starfish and threw it back into the sea. The elderly man laughed. ‘There must be literally thousands of starfish here. You won’t be able to make much of a difference.’

    “The young boy looked up. ‘I made a difference to the one I threw back.'”

  • Marvin Sager 20:18h, 19 August Reply

    Rabbi Elvis Nudnik was asked to listen to a dying husband’s confession in a hospital by the dying man’s wife. In the hospital room, the dying man admitted that he cheated on his wife many times. Also, the dying husband admitted that he always used vulgar profanity when referring about his wife to others. Lastly, the dying husband revealed that he squandered all the family inheritance. The wife looks at her husband and says, “You are forgiven.” The wife then turns to the Rabbi Elvis Nudnik and asks if she is forgiven. “After all,” she said, “I am the one that poisoned him.”

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