Prove Your Comedy Chops with Moment’s Cartoon Caption Contest
Welcome to the Moment Magazine Cartoon Caption Contest, founded with the help of New Yorker cartoon editor Bob Mankoff, and drawn by New Yorker cartoonist Ben Schwartz.
Do you have a way with words and humor? If so, look at the cartoon below and send us a caption—or two or three! Plus scroll down to vote for your favorite caption. It’s free and fun!
Winners may claim a free Moment subscription for a friend of family member. Contest open to U.S. residents 18 and above.
Plus: Read interviews with some of our most prolific caption contest contributors here.
Submit a caption for this cartoon by April 20 by writing it in as a comment at the bottom of this page!
Vote for your favorite caption by filling out the form immediately below!
“Jews don’t believe in seitan?”
—Larry Lesser, El Paso, TX
“My greatest invention is white flour.”
—Scott Talbot Evans, Rochester, NY
“Live a little, ham it up.”
—Adrian Storisteanu, Toronto, ON, Canada
Chuckle at the November/December 2018 winning caption—and see who wrote it!
“I’m with Jews for Jaws.”
—Dale Stout, Colorado Springs, CO
How to Submit Your Caption(s)
Submit as a comment below by April 20, 2019. Finalists will appear in the upcoming issue. To vote for the winner of the winter issue 2019 contest (see finalists above), use the “vote form.”
The time that the Beatles spent in India in the late 60’s was one of the happiest and most creative of their lives, and so it was with great enthusiasm upon their return that George Harrison convinced one of his closest childhood friends from Liverpool to also make the journey.
After traveling around India, George’s friend decided to study Hinduism with a very well-regarded teacher in the large city of Chennai. At the end of their fourth meeting, the teacher smiled. “Just keep in mind,” he said, “that the world is merely a manifestation of the Supreme Self, known as Brahman. You need have no fears, for everything is Brahman, the trees, the rivers, the clouds, the people, everything that is manifested.”
George Harrison’s friend left the teacher as if on cloud nine and decided to take a short cut down a narrow alley back to his hotel room. Suddenly approaching him was a huge elephant guided by a mahout, or elephant driver, who sat atop the huge animal.
“You’d better watch out,” yelled the mahout. “This elephant can get nasty, and I can’t always control him.”
But the young man kept walking, for he remembered his teacher’s words. Everything, he said to himself, is Brahman, so I need not have any fear.
As he tried to squeeze by, however, the elephant suddenly bolted and took a sharp swing at him with its huge trunk, smashing him against a wall.
Battered and bruised, he managed to get back to his teacher.
“”Master, you deceived me,” he said, and recounted his very painful experience.
The teacher smiled. “I didn’t deceive you,” he said. “Everything IS Brahman, including the clouds, the sun, the rivers, the people.
“But the Mahout was also Brahman, and you should have listened to him, too.” 🙂
No clothes necessary, because I have nothing to hide. Besides, size doesn’t matter, right? But, if “hell freezes over,” then perhaps I will wear prada brand clothes. ( The devil reveals all! )
With a choice of a Reuben sandwich or a Rachel sandwich, why’d you pick the Ham sandwich?
Because I challenged you to eat the ham sandwich, then that makes me a DAREdevil. If you can eat a second ham sandwich, then I qualify to become a DOUBLE-DAREdevil. What do you think happens if you can eat a third ham sandwich? Answer: (I qualify to become a TRIPLE-DAREdevil, and you qualify to become a FAT PIG!)
I just made you a sandwich and solved your moral conundrums at the same time. What did that other guy ever do for you?
“Right now your so-called good conscience is enjoying pork sausage in pita bread for lunch. So much for integrity!”
“God is testing you to see if you’re courageous enough to conquer your superstitious fears. Now stop stalling and eat the rest of your lunch.”
“Why do you see that as forbidden fruit? There is no fruit in that sandwich.”
Did you know my favorite pet is the Tasmanian devil? After all, the creature is as mean as HELL, and wouldn’t have to display his “horny” disposition!
I had always thought that the tale I’m about to tell you was apocryphal until a professor of history at Northwestern recently assured me that the events depicted really happened. Fact not fiction. This shouldn’t come as a total surprise to all the wordsmiths here who know that even just the slightest change of emphasis can often completely alter the meaning of a word.
Here goes:
Charles De Gaulle was a writer, a statesman, and a soldier who headed the French resistance against the Nazis during World War II and later became the president of the French Republic.
In 1966 a reporter from the New York World-Telegram and Sun was sent to Paris to interview President De Gaulle, who was then 76 years old and rather hard of hearing. The interview went well, although the reporter often had to raise his voice to get his questions across.
When the interview ended, President De Gaulle and his wife invited the journalist to a farewell dinner at the elegant Cafe de la Paix in Paris. President De Gaulle had a deep voice which rose over all the clatter in the restaurant, and people at the adjoining tables often stared and listened as he spoke.
Suddenly, toward the end, the reporter leaned forward. “Excuse me, Mr. President, but may I ask you one last question?”
“Assurement,” President De Gaulle replied.
“Well, then, ” the journalist proceeded, “What do you consider to be the most important thing in life?”
President De Gaulle thought for a moment, and then smiled and said with complete confidence: “A penis.”
All the noise in the restaurant stopped, except for the clattering of a tray dropped by a startled waiter.
It was then that Madame Yvonne De Gaulle reached across the table and calmly took her husband’s hand. “I’m afraid, ” she looked toward the reporter, “that my husband’s English pronunciation is not as good as it could be. He did not mean to say ‘a penis.’
“What he treasures most is HAP-piness.”
Needless to say, the restaurant immediately went back to normal.
You will eat your lard enriched pork sandwich. Remember, if you think it is better not to eat your unholy sandwich, then there’s HELL to pay. You might say, you are caught “between the devil and the deep blue sea.”
Traditional Purim Humor
A bridegroom was being interviewed by his rich prospective father-in-law, who finally asked him the most important question:
“Young man, what do you earn?”
The young man answered, “I earn ten rubles a day.”
Satisfied that his daughter would have the comforts to which she was accustomed, the bride’s father consented to the marriage.
In due course, the wedding ceremonies took place.
Following the wedding, however, the father-in-law was astonished to learn that his new son-in-law was not employed.
In great anxiety he asked him, “Why are you not working? You informed me that you earn as much as ten rubles a day!”
“I did not deceive you,” the son-in-law reassured him. “I am an experienced deliverer of mishloach manot every Purim, and I receive large gratuities for my services.
“On the one day of the year when I do work, I certainly assure you that I do earn at least ten rubles.”
There is no record in the literature of the father-in-law’s reaction. 🙂
MORE PURIM SHTICK
A rich man forgot to send a Purim gift to his son’s melamed. Even though the latter had sent him multiple reminders through the pupil, the customary present did not arrtive.
Shortly after Purim, the melamed instructed the pupil to ask the father this question:
“Why did Abel kill Cain?”
The boy obediently did as he had been instructed. The following day the father came storming into the teacher’s office, his face purple with rage, shouting: “Ignoramus! Imbecile! How could you ask such a stupid question? It was Cain who killed Abel!”
“Ahh,” retorted the melamed softly. “Such an ancient episode you can remember, but to send a Purim gift to your son’s teacher, although I tried to remind you so many times–THAT you could not remember??” 🙂
After you finish your sandwich, I plan to announce my candidacy for President of the United States. I shall run as an independent candidate, so I can garner votes from all parties. My Presidential team will be known as the “DEVIL’S BRIGADE.” My campaign slogan will be, “Better the (new) devil you (don’t) know than the (old) devil you don’t know (or trust).” After I win the Presidential Election, then we can all sing, “When The Devils Come Marching In.” We will all enjoy a Presidential celebration at a banquet with deviled ham sandwiches for all. My greatest achievement will be to sit on the chair in the White House instead of on your shoulder. If anyone has any questions, then they can go to hell to find the answers!
Some Snark (Forgive me)
Are there any similarities between Purim and Yom Kippur? On the face of it , they are opposites. One holiday is spent enjoying a party while the other is spent in court solemnly awaiting a verdict.. On Purim we fast before we feast while on Yom Kippur we feast before we fast.
But the two holidays are linked in that they are both based on masquerades. In Hebrew, the Day of Atonement is called Yom Ki Purim, “a day like Purim,” for on Purim Jews masquerade by donning the costumes of others while on the Day of Atonement they masquerade as pious Jews. 🙂
In keeping with my promise to run for President, I shall put together a manifesto of who is most qualified to perpetuate evil on the world. We need the dumbest individuals to become suicide bombers. After all, we need to get a better bang out of life to break-up any boredom that we might suffer. Then, too, no more virgins in heaven, because there will be plenty of wild women in hell. Those who have no appreciable education and prefer death over life should be on the top of my recruitment list. We need more deviant individuals to prey on the old, sick, and vulnerable. Also, we need to recruit aliens from outer space to mate with hateful humans, so that there will never be a shortage of the criminal elements. This by all means will just be the beginning of hell on earth. To those individuals who would like to apply, then you must read the fine print of the manifesto. Because, “The devil is in the details!”
This one’s for Scott Evans:
“I’ve said I want to die on Mars. Just not on impact.”
–Elon Musk
Scott,
Congratulations on coming in second with your VERY funny entry for Bob Mankoff’s recent Cartoon Collections drawing. Seeing your name there so deservedly made me feel as good as if I had won it myself. Your win is all the more impressive because of the thousands of competing entries sent in for each cartoon.
There’s a Zen saying, you know, that being born is like being kicked off a precipice, and we console ourselves by trying to grasp rocks which offer no security because they’re falling alongside us.
But you’re getting better and better!
My manifesto is now completed with 666 pages. I have decided to use the picture of a stink bug on the front cover to indicate the foul contents contained within. Also, I have decided to add references to previous mass murderers, such as Hitler, Stalin, Mao, Saddam Hussein, Assad, Attila the Hun, and Osama Bin Laden just to name a few. This was necessary to demonstrate how one warped mind can destroy thousands of innocent lives. So, to make killing much easier, certain countries will possess nuclear weapons and nuclear power stations that can easily erupt. Wait, this scenario is actually an on going process where the world is being destroyed along with pollution and climate change. Oh, no! My services are not really necessary. Perhaps I would do a better job as a movie executive to produce future destructive documentaries. Then again, who would see these movies, besides myself. as the world is being devastated? Sometimes it difficult being a devil. Well, at least I can still sit on someone’s shoulder and think about all this! “There is no devil like a confused devil!”
Here’s an e-Purim basket for all who read this (and for all who don’t). Purim has always been an opportunity to turn one’s viewpoint upside down at least for one day to show us the ridiculousness of the many things we take seriously the other 364. After all, doesn’t a frown seen from another perspective become a smile? I’ll let Robert Frost finish this with two lines I’ve always loved:
“Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee,
And I’ll forgive Thy great big joke on me.”
🙂
Now, what is missing from this scene where the devil (me) is sitting on the shoulder of this despondent girl? No, it is not her boyfriend! But, it is a devil drink to help wash down the putrid taste of the ham sandwich. Of course there are many devil drinks, but my favorite is the Devil’s Blood Cocktail. The ingredients are Vodka, Grenadine, Jagermeister, Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum, and Sour Apple Schnapps. This drink is “sinfully” good with my nasty sandwich. Also, a Devil Trident Cocktail Stirrer will emphasize the “wickedness” of the drink. So, just drink this devilishly potent cocktail with me in mind! 🙂
( NEW Cartoon )
It must be close to Palm ( Beach Ball ) Sunday. Or, as we say in the hood, it is time for Passover the ball.
:^)
This reminds me of the Bob Mankoff caption: “And remember, if you need anything I’m available 24/6”.
Hello. Are you enjoying SHARK WEEK?
Stephen,
Maybe I should follow W. C. Fields’ advice: “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.” But I guess I’m an optimist (cockeyed?). I want to recommend a book to you. The title is “Together: A Memoir of a Marriage and a Medical Mishap” by Judy Goldman.
The author’s husband, a doctor of optometry, undergoes what’s supposed to be a routine epidural. But something happens that nobody had foreseen and he’s faced with an uncertain future. And you of course are very familiar with the hospital and rehabilitation scene. The relationship between husband and wife is traced throughout the ordeal that follows.
If you see it in the local library, you might check it out.
Best wishes.
🙂