Monday, May 20, 2019

Cartoon Caption Contest

Prove Your Comedy Chops with Moment’s Cartoon Caption Contest

 

Welcome to the Moment Magazine Cartoon Caption Contest, founded with the help of New Yorker cartoon editor Bob Mankoff, and drawn by New Yorker cartoonist Ben Schwartz.

 

Do you have a way with words and humor? If so, look at the cartoon below and send us a caption—or two or three! Plus scroll down to vote for your favorite caption. It’s free and fun!

 

Winners may claim a free Moment subscription for a friend of family member. Contest open to U.S. residents 18 and above.

 

Plus: Read interviews with some of our most prolific caption contest contributors here.

 

 

Submit a caption for this cartoon by April 20 by writing it in as a comment at the bottom of this page!

 

 

Vote for your favorite caption by filling out the form immediately below!

 

“Jews don’t believe in seitan?”
—Larry Lesser, El Paso, TX


“My greatest invention is white flour.”
—Scott Talbot Evans, Rochester, NY


“Live a little, ham it up.”
—Adrian Storisteanu, Toronto, ON, Canada

 

Vote For Your Favorite Cartoon Caption

Vote for the winner of the September/October contest! The winner will receive a free subscription to Moment to give to a friend. Any U.S. resident age 18 or older can enter.

 

Chuckle at the November/December 2018 winning caption—and see who wrote it!

 

“I’m with Jews for Jaws.”
—Dale Stout, Colorado Springs, CO

How to Submit Your Caption(s)

Submit as a comment below by April 20, 2019. Finalists will appear in the upcoming issue. To vote for the winner of the winter issue 2019 contest (see finalists above), use the “vote form.”

157 Comments
  • Marvin Sager 13:12h, 21 March Reply

    ( NEW Cartoon )

    It must be close to Palm ( Beach Ball ) Sunday. Or, as we say in the hood, it is time for Passover the ball.

    • Dale Stout 22:08h, 21 March Reply

      :^)

    • Adrian Storisteanu 08:54h, 12 April Reply

      Sage remarks… : – )

      Slight variations on the second:

      “Happy Pass-over, boss!”
      “And a Happy Pass-over, boss!”

  • Dale Stout 14:40h, 22 March Reply

    This reminds me of the Bob Mankoff caption: “And remember, if you need anything I’m available 24/6”.

  • Marvin Sager 15:36h, 22 March Reply

    Hello. Are you enjoying SHARK WEEK?

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:59h, 22 March Reply

    Stephen,

    Maybe I should follow W. C. Fields’ advice: “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.” But I guess I’m an optimist (cockeyed?). I want to recommend a book to you. The title is “Together: A Memoir of a Marriage and a Medical Mishap” by Judy Goldman.

    The author’s husband, a doctor of optometry, undergoes what’s supposed to be a routine epidural. But something happens that nobody had foreseen and he’s faced with an uncertain future. And you of course are very familiar with the hospital and rehabilitation scene. The relationship between husband and wife is traced throughout the ordeal that follows.

    If you see it in the local library, you might check it out.

    Best wishes.

    🙂

  • Dale Stout 17:40h, 23 March Reply

    All work and no play makes Jacob a dull boy.

  • Marvin Sager 21:52h, 23 March Reply

    “Play it again, Sam.” That’s how you improve your beach ball game.

    • Marvin Sager 13:26h, 24 March Reply

      By the way, what a wonderful way to “fine tune” your B-sharp skills.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 13:01h, 24 March Reply

    “This is a working vacation for us: I’m working, and the family’s on vacation.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 16:13h, 24 March Reply

    “This is a working vacation for us: I’m working, and the rest of the family’s on vacation.”

  • Marvin Sager 13:21h, 25 March Reply

    What more can you ask for on beach day? The beach is so sandy soft, the water is so refreshing, and the sun is so radiant. (Too bad that we all suffer from amoebic dysentery.)

  • Rich Wolf 14:49h, 25 March Reply

    “No, not the explorer, the game.”

  • Richard Wolf 13:29h, 26 March Reply

    “Pam, can you schedule Marco Polo for a 3 o’clock meeting?”

  • Dale Stout 16:41h, 26 March Reply

    Siri, tell the boss I quit.

  • Marvin Sager 19:09h, 26 March Reply

    “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” Chances are you may see these same people on American beaches with other freedom loving individuals on vacation.
    ***********************************************************************************************************
    Obviously, these words are inscribed on the placard at the Statue of Liberty. Emma Lazarus, a young talented poet of Jewish heritage, wrote these words in 1883. She was motivated by a strong desire to stop anti-Semitism and Russian pogroms of the Jews. Therefore, she became a fierce advocate for Jewish refugees, as well as others fleeing persecution. We all owe her a debt of gratitude for her special words, and that desire lives on today.

    • Dale Stout 23:51h, 26 March Reply

      Thank you, Marvin, for bringing this up with all the great details.

      • Marvin Sager 17:53h, 28 March Reply

        Your compliments inspire me, so please keep all the superb comments coming my way. Thanks a plenty.

  • Dale Stout 23:54h, 26 March Reply

    I’m just enjoying some family time with the nanny.

  • Adrian Storisteanu 21:16h, 27 March Reply

    “I’m literally immersed in that climate study.”

  • Marvin Sager 17:31h, 28 March Reply

    One thing missing is Dunkin Donuts if you get my drift. So, dunking little sister will have to do.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 20:22h, 28 March Reply

    “We’re not on vacation; we’re doing first-hand research into the effects of global warming.”

    (Credit for this, if any, rightfully goes to AS. Thanks.)

    • Adrian Storisteanu 21:09h, 28 March Reply

      It *is* a hot topic… : – )

  • Marvin Sager 09:13h, 29 March Reply

    “Your love keeps lifting me higher.” The theme song of the beach ball filled with helium.

  • Rob Nance 12:49h, 29 March Reply

    At the firm of Meyer & Goldstein, we’re never on vacation.

    • Adrian Storisteanu 14:30h, 29 March Reply

      Isn’t that “WetMeyer & SunStein”? : – )

  • Marvin Sager 16:20h, 29 March Reply

    A hot day at the beach with no rain can mean sunrise, sunshine, and sunset. Because in my case I am so unlucky, it can also mean sunstroke! (Please tell Adrian Storisteanu, that I need a telephone number for that “supercilious/hot” law firm.)

    • Adrian Storisteanu 17:23h, 29 March Reply

      “[I]t can also mean sunstroke!” — great woody-allen-esque remark! Lost their number. Here in Canada “Freezmeyer & Snowstein” are big!

  • Gerald Lebowitz 12:48h, 30 March Reply

    “We’re all at Shabbat services now. Our shul is so Reform, it lets us do whatever we want.”

  • Marvin Sager 16:20h, 30 March Reply

    QUESTION(1) What kind of yarmulke do you wear for swimming?
    ANSWER (1) A bathing cap yarmulke.
    ***************************************************************************
    QUESTION(2) Why would you bring a lap top in the water?
    ANSWER (2) To teach a school of fish computer science.
    ***************************************************************************
    QUESTION(3) What is the most ill-natured beach creature?
    ANSWER (3) A crabby crab.
    ***************************************************************************

  • David M. Brown 23:44h, 30 March Reply

    I had every intention of meeting the deadline, but these kids are out of control.

  • Larry Lesser 23:55h, 30 March Reply

    At most jobs, Jewish holidays are floating holidays!

  • Susan Sherzer 17:31h, 31 March Reply

    Yes, we are having a whale of a good time!

  • Gerald Lebowitz 22:57h, 31 March Reply

    “Life’s a beach … but we’re doing the best we can.”

  • Justin gray 23:21h, 31 March Reply

    “I’m using my floating holiday since my work doesn’t give me any Jewish holidays off!”

    • jim gorman 15:12h, 01 April Reply

      Love the “floating holiday” reference. Wish I’d thought of it!

      • Justin Gray 18:51h, 02 April Reply

        Thanks Jim!

        I’ve had to use floating holidays for that reason so the comment came naturally! I think those end up being the funniest.

  • Justin Gray 23:26h, 31 March Reply

    “I know I should take a day off but we have only three more years to save for my daughter’s Bat Mitzvah party!”

  • JR 07:20h, 01 April Reply

    “Thank God for WiFi.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 09:31h, 01 April Reply

    Marvin, let me add my name to your growing chorus of admirers. Your daily display of verbal pyrotechnics continues to light up this site like the Fourth of July.

    Keep it up, and thanks!

    • Marvin Sager 11:14h, 01 April Reply

      To Gerald: Thanks so much for your kind remarks. I strive to be a kibitzer with a little chutzpah to produce a hartsik gelkhter (a hearty laugh). But, you are the mumkhe (expert/specialist) that keeps this site in order. Permit me to say that on behalf of all that you do, form all that admire you, a groysn dank ( thank you so much)!

  • Gerald Lebowitz 13:18h, 01 April Reply

    Marvin,

    I forgot to mention the genuine sense of warmth and good will and kindness which underlies each of your posts, without which your words would be just paper but with it always become gold.

    Thanks again.

  • Justin Gray 16:54h, 01 April Reply

    “Hello service desk, my inbox is flooded again.”

  • Marvin Sager 18:39h, 01 April Reply

    As this is April Fools Day, someone on this occasion may give you false directions to the beach. Instead of the beach, you may find yourself in what might appear to be a swampy area. If you decide to explore this area, then it would be a good idea to use a thick stick to test the ground. Otherwise, you may find that you walked into an area of quicksand by mistake. So, don’t panic! (“Don’t just bury your head in the sand.” Did I say that? Sorry, just a silly pun that I couldn’t resist.) If you feel stuck in the quicksand, then try to remove your backpack and shoes if possible. Try raising your feet to the surface as you slowly swim on your side to escape the dangerous area. This could also be a day of the “good, the bad, and the ugly.” The good being you freed yourself from the quicksand. The bad is that you wasted your day and dirtied yourself. The ugly is that by the time you went back to your car, you discovered it was stolen. So, are you still planning your next vacation to the beach?

  • JR 21:02h, 01 April Reply

    “Count me in the office pool.”

  • JR 21:03h, 01 April Reply

    “Thank goodness for WiFi.”

  • prateek 05:19h, 02 April Reply

    “Passing the ball on life and business”

  • prateek 05:20h, 02 April Reply

    “Playing in the line of business”

  • prateek 05:20h, 02 April Reply

    “if you ain’t busy , you playing ball”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:05h, 02 April Reply

    “I’ll call you back in five minutes, when my wife is due to regain custody of the kids.”

  • Marvin Sager 18:36h, 02 April Reply

    QUESTION(1) What does this phrase mean? “Whatever floats your boat”
    ANSWER (1) On the beach it could mean drinking many margaritas, or
    ———————- perhaps watching people out to sea abandoning your boat.
    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    QUESTION(2) How do you train a dog to do his business on the beach?
    ANSWER (2) Bring a fake fire hydrant with you to the beach.
    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    QUESTION(3) Why do some obese people go to the beach?
    ANSWER (3) Haven’t you heard of the Beach Diet? It “melts” fat away.

  • Justin Gray 18:47h, 02 April Reply

    “I thought you told me to immerse myself in the study of toe mud??”

  • Larry Lesser 17:18h, 03 April Reply

    Today is half-work, half-holiday since it’s second day of Yom Tov while in Israel.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 18:32h, 03 April Reply

    To JR,

    Did you have a change of religious orientation sometime during the course of April 1st? At 7:20 am you posted the great line “Thank God for WiFi,” then a little after 9 pm you posted “Thank goodness for WiFi.”
    What prompted the switch from God in the morning to merely goodness in the evening? Was this a religious conversion or an April Fools Day joke to see if anybody was actually paying attention?

    (Your comments are always on target, by the way, no matter what your intention.) 🙂

  • Sam Cordes 19:54h, 03 April Reply

    I know, but I used my last PTO day on Yom Kippur.

  • Marvin Sager 20:57h, 03 April Reply

    Needless to say, the best day for you at the beach is SUNday. One might say, “You are walking on sunshine” as you stroll along the sandy beach.

  • Dale Stout 00:32h, 04 April Reply

    Family vacation. It’s not just a job, it’s an adventure.

    • Marvin Sager 09:32h, 04 April Reply

      Welcome back! You stated that you and your family (3/26) were spending time with your nanny. That’s wonderful. I know even Arnold Schwazenegger would be proud of you. Now, please keep up your amazing entries on this site as we missed you!

  • Dale Stout 14:01h, 04 April Reply

    Private island rental: $$$$. Billable hours: priceless.

  • Dale Stout 14:03h, 04 April Reply

    Our kids aren’t old enough to ignore me…yet.

  • Dale Stout 14:05h, 04 April Reply

    I told my boss to pound sand.

  • Dale Stout 14:07h, 04 April Reply

    I never work on vacation; it wouldn’t be pc.

  • Dale Stout 14:08h, 04 April Reply

    Hello? How do I join Workaholics Anonymous?

  • Dale Stout 14:15h, 04 April Reply

    Jewish you were here?

    :^)

    • jim gorman 16:27h, 04 April Reply

      Dale, five great captions in a row! You never fail to delight . . .

  • Marvin Sager 16:04h, 04 April Reply

    How does a Rabbi make coffee on the beach? Hebrews it.
    (Dedicated to Dale Stout — WELCOME BACK AGAIN!) :^)

  • Gerald Lebowitz 15:11h, 05 April Reply

    Damn! I missed my calling. I can sure pick talent. I should’ve plunged in and become an agent like Mike Ovitz of Creative Artists, Jerry Weintraub of United Artists or even Ari Emanuel of William Morris. I knew that people like Dale Stout and Scott Evans were winners from the beginning. I could be sitting here right now collecting 10 to 20 percent of all their earnings from their writing. If only … 🙂

    • Dale Stout 08:13h, 08 April Reply

      To Jim, Marvin and Gerald: thank you!

  • Marvin Sager 17:16h, 05 April Reply

    Well, let me reminisce for a few minutes about my vacation on the beach many years ago. The weather was beautiful, and I was relaxing on a blanket in the middle part of the beach. To my amazement, along comes this beach bum dragging a big white cross over his shoulder down the beach near the water line. Everybody was yelling at him (I won’t repeat what they said), so I added my few choice words. “HEY, MESHUGENER, are you going on a pilgrimage to the Holy Land?” He didn’t answer me, so I assumed he had a bad case of “deaf and dumb.” I watched him until he disappeared down the beach and out of sight. But, after about three hours, he returned walking down the beach in the opposite direction. Again, everybody hurled all kind of insults at him (I still will not tell you what they said). So, I called out, “PRAY TELL, did you meet the Lord and he rejected you?” No answer again, so I guess he just had a “bareback cross” to perhaps return to the church.

  • Dale Stout 01:17h, 06 April Reply

    Someday I’ll regret not faking more work.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 09:05h, 06 April Reply

    Dale, imagine a cartoon depicting an art dealer handing over a huge painting to a well-heeled client and saying, “It’s well-worth all the money, sir; it’s a wholly genuine fake.”

    Your offerings, though, are no fakes, especially “I never work on vacation; it wouldn’t be pc,” a delicious play on words that’s wholly original and has so many shadings.

    Putting it another way, you’re the Shakespeare of captions! May your well never run dry.

  • Marvin Sager 10:09h, 06 April Reply

    (Q) What do some people say on a hot sunny day on a New Jersey beach?
    (A) I’m BACON oveeerrr heeerrreee!!!

  • jim gorman 10:37h, 07 April Reply

    Sir, I’ve got it! How about: “What’s a little inconvenience when it comes to truth?”

  • Marvin Sager 17:14h, 07 April Reply

    (Q) Why should you be concerned, if a big dog tries to get to the beach early before you?
    +++++
    (A) Because by your arriving late, the dog will have a “LEG UP” against you.
    +++++
    +++++Or, in the vernacular, you probably “PISSED HIM OFF” without you knowing it!
    +++++
    +++++(Now you understand why I try to bring a small umbrella with me to the beach.)
    +++++Oy Gewalt!

  • Evan Goldman 20:18h, 07 April Reply

    Listen, I’ve got a bar and bat mitzvah to pay for.

  • Dale Stout 08:14h, 08 April Reply

    If the world is going to end in 12 years, I’d better work on my tan.

  • Dale Stout 08:16h, 08 April Reply

    I need a vacation from 2020 in 2019.

  • Dale Stout 09:37h, 08 April Reply

    I’m on the South Beach diet: fresh air, exercise and Kosher food.

  • Marvin Sager 12:50h, 08 April Reply

    My head starts “swimming,” when I see these (dental floss) bikinis on the beach. My reaction is “seas the day,” because I might not be so lucky on another beach day. Or, better still, “sea la vie!” I can’t continue writing, because my blood pressure is rising just thinking about this occurrence. Forgive me, but I need a “sea-esta.”

  • Dinah Rokach 15:02h, 09 April Reply

    “Wrap it up. Shabbat starts in 45 minutes. I have to shower, shave, get dressed and walk to schul.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 16:38h, 09 April Reply

    “Everybody today is looking for an outlet. Well, my family and I found an inlet.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 16:44h, 09 April Reply

    “I guess you can say that I’m keeping on top of things.”

  • Marvin Sager 17:45h, 09 April Reply

    (Q) What did the mosquito say to the (kakameyne) beachcomber?
    (A) You bug me! Also, you put a bad taste in my mouth.
    +++++
    (Q) What would be a good song for the Beach Boys?
    (A) “We are feeling ‘beachy.'”
    +++++
    (Q) What advantage does a sunfish have over other animals?
    (A) With a name like SUN-fish, it must have more vitamin D than other
    +++++animals.

  • harreshers 20:41h, 09 April Reply

    This VR work-vacation game ain’t that bad!

  • Gerald Lebowitz 21:57h, 09 April Reply

    MISSING PERSONS NOTICE

    TWO VERY VALUED MEMBERS OF OUR ONLINE COMMUNITY ARE MISSING. THEY HAVE, UNCHARACTERISTICALLY, NOT BEEN HEARD FROM THROUGHOUT THIS CONTEST. THE FIRST IS DR. STEPHEN NADLER, A GIFTED CAPTIONER AND THE CREATOR OF A BRILLIANT WEBSITE DEVOTED TO OBJETS D’ART AND EPHEMERA RELATED TO ALMOST ALL ASPECTS OF AMERICAN CULTURE. THE SECOND IS MS. DINAH RAKOFF, A VERY WITTY WOMAN WHO IS A SKILLED BOOK REVIEWER IN HER SPARE TIME AND WHOSE WORDS INVARIABLY GET TO THE ESSENCE OF ANY MATTER AT HAND.

    A REWARD OF ONE MILLION DOLLARS WILL BE OFFERED FOR ANY INFORMATION LEADING TO THE FINDING OF THE ABOVE.

    THIS REWARD, NEEDLESS TO SAY, WILL BE DELIVERED IN NO TIME. 🙂 🙂 🙂

    (All kidding aside, where ARE you guys???)

  • Gerald Lebowitz 22:30h, 09 April Reply

    “I’m in the lap of luxury. I swam three laps in the morning and am using my laptop right now in the afternoon.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 22:45h, 09 April Reply

    Sorry, Dinah. When I proof-read the above, I realized I should’ve written Rokach, not Rakoff. I hope that my error doesn’t throw the private investigators I hired off the trail. Sometimes I’m guilty of writing too fast. No harm intended. 🙂

  • Gerald Lebowitz 22:47h, 09 April Reply

    Sorry, Dinah, when I proof-read the above I realized I should’ve written Rokach, not Rakoff. I hope that my mistake doesn’t throw the private investigators I hired off the trail. Sometimes I write too fast. 🙂

    • Dinah Rokach 14:06h, 10 April Reply

      ‘Wrap it up. Shabbat is in 45 minutes. I need to shower, shave, get dressed and walk to schul.”

  • JR 10:38h, 10 April Reply

    Family day at the mikvah

  • Gerald Lebowitz 16:56h, 10 April Reply

    Dinah, thank you. Quality is more important than quantity, and with this submission you’ve more than made up for your absence.

    • Dinah Rokach 18:23h, 10 April Reply

      I prefer to see Jewish-themed cartoons on this site and this one did not inspire me. It can easily be on one of the other sites — newyorker.com or cartooncollections.com — where submissions are private but new cartoons to caption appear weekly.

      • Marvin Sager 19:46h, 10 April Reply

        This Question and Answer is dedicated to Dinah Rokach
        (for her eyes and ears only).
        When I was young, I used to go to the beach where many Jewish people were present. Often I heard many funny expressions including the following:
        (Q) What did the Zaftik say when she heard the Alter Cocker talk about the beautiful mermaid he saw? About all the beautiful women on the beach he couldn’t stop talking about.
        (A) Putz stat-saykhel gayt!!!
        (NO SUBSTITUTE FOR YIDDISH!)

  • Gerald Lebowitz 17:11h, 10 April Reply

    JR, forgive me for having teased you about the so-called religious conversion that I read into
    your last submissions. Your latest certainly is a winner in my view (as are really all of your entries). Thank you.

  • Lisa Levine 09:29h, 11 April Reply

    What–me worry about too many balls in the air? Nah, it’s just the one!

  • Gerald Lebowitz 13:24h, 11 April Reply

    Dinah, these cartoons are really Rorschach tests in which we see the patterns that make sense to us. There’s no right or wrong interpretation. JR’s caption hilariously offers the view of the water’s really being an ultra-Reform mikvah that the figures are splashing around in. I think he should be one of the finalists. But what do I know? I thought for sure that your hamantaschen caption in the last contest would win.

    You have the uncommon ability to be able to stare a problem all the way down into its essence and then respond directly with a very perceptive solution–a very wonderful gift. Thank you for all that you have contributed.

    (I hope this doesn’t sound too much like a eulogy; I mean it as more a celebration of your gift.)

  • Marvin Sager 15:06h, 11 April Reply

    Then there is the case where this (suluzen) guy on the beach was drinking one beer after another. A concerned stranger approached him and said, “Why do you drink so much?” The tipsy guy answered, “Could it be that I am an alcoholic?” Another case of (tsuris belighten) with a grimace.

  • AJ 22:21h, 11 April Reply

    Moving assets to the Cayman Islands in order to take advantage of the numerous tax benefits seemed like a good idea on paper.

  • Justin Gray 06:48h, 12 April Reply

    “Hi Rabbi, I must have misunderstood you. I thought you said let’s meet at the shoal!”.

  • Dale Stout 08:38h, 12 April Reply

    Sally sends emails by the seashore.

  • Dale Stout 08:42h, 12 April Reply

    I have to boogie to my board meeting.

  • Marvin Sager 11:57h, 12 April Reply

    (Q) What crazy animal do you find on the beach?
    (A) A “ding-bat.”
    ******
    (Q) What ocean animals are very wealthy?
    (A) Oysters Rockefeller.
    ******
    (Q) What do you call a foul smelly person a long way down on the beach?
    (A) FAR-STINK-IN-ER (FARSHTINKENER)!

  • Daniel Prescott 16:11h, 14 April Reply

    So wait Irving, just to confirm, as long as I work at least 3 hours a day, this whole vacation is deductible, right?

  • Rafael Mares 17:10h, 14 April Reply

    What do you mean I have too many balls in the air?

  • Marvin Sager 21:04h, 14 April Reply

    Often we see or hear things that we wonder what would I do in this case. For example, you were walking on the beach and actually crossed over to the nude section of the beach without noticing the awareness sign. All of a sudden, ahead of you a nude person of the opposite sex approaches you. What do you do then? Do you turn around and run back the way you came. Or, do you say to yourself, because I don’t want to be prudish, I will just take off my clothes and join the crowd. In my case, I would remember what Alan King said, “As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.” That would settle it for me. After consideration, I would determine where the nearest delicatessen is located. Then again, would it be so terrible if I were late to eat?

  • Stephen Nadler 02:16h, 15 April Reply

    “I’m sorry, but I’m going to need more time to redact the Mueller report.”

  • Justin Gray 13:08h, 15 April Reply

    “We’re not that kind of offshore bank.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 23:13h, 15 April Reply

    “Sorry, you can’t speak to my wife. We’re in the middle of services and she’s in the women’s section. President Trump even promised to divert some of his Mexican wall to build a mechitza to separate her more formally.”

  • Stephen Nadler 23:25h, 15 April Reply

    “I’ve fallen behind. It turns out the wi-fi here is shomer shabbos.”

  • Scott Tredwell 23:35h, 15 April Reply

    “Library? I have some extra time…could you drone-deliver material on understanding porpoise whistles?”

  • Dale Stout 08:16h, 16 April Reply

    We’re vacationing on Staten Island: if I exercise, I don’t have to take my statins.

  • Dale Stout 08:23h, 16 April Reply

    When I was a kid, Pops left his slide rule at home.

  • Marvin Sager 10:00h, 16 April Reply

    Some sea creatures are beached on the shore. It does make a whale of a difference to the scenery. So, try not to be so disgusted and “blow hole” your top off in deference to the dead animal.

  • David Crohn 11:52h, 16 April Reply

    “My ebook is my baby!”

    “The virus cleaner crashed so we’re trying a mikvah.”

    “I am thinking that global warming is real after all.”

  • Gerald Lebowitz 15:03h, 16 April Reply

    The quintessential Passover story , of course, is of the blind man sitting on a park bench and muttering,
    disgustedly, over and over and over again: “They shouldn’t print this junk. Language like this shouldn’t be allowed. It’s terrible, terrible.”

    What bothered him so much? A piece of matzoh which another patron of the park had shortly before shared with him to eat during the Passover holidays and which the blind man had fingered as braille and was busy translating!

    Talk about food for thought … 🙂

  • Gerald Lebowitz 15:21h, 16 April Reply

    To Justin, you may be Gray, but your humor splashes with light! I think that from now on, every time I see the word “shul,” I’m going to substitute the word “shoal” in my mind (I have heard some shallow sermons in my life).

    Thanks for the BEST kind of pun, one which also stimulates thought.

    • Justin gray 21:53h, 16 April Reply

      Thank you Gerald! It’s a lot of fun trying to keep up with everyone’s great captions! The high water mark though is yet to come 🙂 three more days until this cartoon “returns to the sea”!

  • Marvin Sager 16:44h, 16 April Reply

    Did you hear about the shlub (insensitive/ill-mannered person) who met this new girl on the beach? He asked her, “Is that a thong you are wearing, or is your tuches devouring your swimsuit?” After that encounter, the man seemed to be drowning in a sea of troubles. Undoubtedly, he hastily left the beach due to the “pier” pressure.

  • Scott Tredwell 17:58h, 16 April Reply

    “And I’m expected to monitor all marine traffic? Ahoy vey!”

  • Justin gray 22:12h, 16 April Reply

    “Well the ad did say it was a sink or swim type of job”

  • Marvin Sager 10:20h, 17 April Reply

    Did you realize that at the beach, happiness comes in waves? Therefore, “vitamin sea” is to be enjoyed by all. Even your machatonin (in-laws) are tolerable on a special beautiful day on a quiet beach (providing they are all asleep and are not soon awakened)!

  • Gerald S Kirzner 11:54h, 17 April Reply

    Are you sure they’re not my kids?

  • Gerald Lebowitz 13:11h, 17 April Reply

    “This new family mikvah is certainly up to date!”

    (Before I get sued for copyright infingement, all the credit for the above really goes to JR for his previous ingenious entry. So, all you intellectual property lawyers, please stay away!)

  • Enzo Cabaltica 17:35h, 17 April Reply

    “You can count on me, sir. I’m and ‘all work and no play’ type of guy.”

  • E Cab 17:41h, 17 April Reply

    “You can count on me, sir. I’m an ‘all work and no play’ type of guy.”

  • Stephen Nadler 23:22h, 17 April Reply

    “I know I used my kids’ names for my password, but I can’t remember either.”

  • Marvin Sager 09:25h, 18 April Reply

    As many of you realize, I am a very bashful and reticent individual. But, on certain special occasions like now, I shall try to overcome my inhibitions. So, permit me to talk about how fortunate that the human race has evolved over the centuries. As we enjoy our next beach vacation, remember life started out from the seas as one cell animals. Then evolution produced, at the appropriate time, the most intelligent and sexy creature in the seas. Since chances are you will not guess this sea animal, I will tell you. The answer is the octopus for many reasons. In layman’s terms, it is a “pus” attached to eight legs with an advanced brain. Not only that, but it can “sucker you” into its body with its long legs. Even children sometimes comment on the octopi’s big “testicles” (please pardon my bad spelling). Succinctly speaking, we should all rejoice at our biological heritage. In my case, I admire women for their development (Wow! Wee!), and I usually only “challah” at them when they don’t appreciate my limited talents in speaking and writing. Suffice it to say at this time of the year, I love you a LATKE!

  • Gerald Lebowitz 10:33h, 18 April Reply

    “On the Internet nobody knows you’re on vacation.”

    • Adrian Storisteanu 14:39h, 18 April Reply

      : – )

  • David M. Brown 03:23h, 19 April Reply

    If my job didn’t feel like a permanent vacation, I wouldn’t be doing it.

  • Justin gray 10:39h, 19 April Reply

    “Hi, it’s me again. How is Bitcoin looking right now?

  • Marvin Sager 11:45h, 19 April Reply

    When we think about exquisite beaches and sea life, we should give praises to Robert Wyland (born July 9, 1956) a marine life artist. His Whaling Wall (pun) art is found all over the world. Wyland (as his art is known to many) with the help of others, has produced 100 amazing murals that includes different species of whales, dolphins, and other marine life (from 1981-2008). Also, I should mention that his artwork has been used on specialty license plates, and found on the Norwegian Cruise Line (Norwegian BLISS) launched in 2018 (with sea animals painted on the hull). If I were to meet Mr. Wyland in person, then I would thank him personally for his art works and say, “Shofar so good,” and please keep up the good work for all to appreciate. For those of you who don’t care and continue to pollute our environment including our cherished oceans and beaches, I say, “Talk to the HAMSA (hand).” Pray for forgiveness!

  • Dale Stout 09:00h, 20 April Reply

    My Speedo’s not quite up to speed.

  • Dale Stout 09:07h, 20 April Reply

    Take this job and shovel it,
    I ain’t twerking here no more.

  • Dale Stout 09:17h, 20 April Reply

    I Excel at Office. Word.

  • Marvin Sager 12:18h, 20 April Reply

    (Q) What food is not recommended to order by iphone on the beach?
    (A) A SANDwitch (sandwich).
    ++++
    (Q) What makes the ocean wetter?
    (A) People crying an ocean of tears in the water.
    ++++
    (Q) What beach insect runs away from the sea water?
    (A) A SAND flee (sand flea).

  • Stephen Nadler 23:23h, 20 April Reply

    “It turns out paradise has everything but wi-fi.”

  • Stephen Nadler 23:24h, 20 April Reply

    “And that’s why I’m known as the maven of multitasking.”

  • Stephen Nadler 23:26h, 20 April Reply

    “Just have my assistant fly down for a few rounds of keep away.”

  • Stephen Nadler 23:31h, 20 April Reply

    “Boss, what do I do? My kids set a time limit on my screen time.”

    • Stephen Nadler 13:26h, 21 April Reply

      “Boss, what do I do? My kids set a limit on my screen time.”

  • Stephen Nadler 23:36h, 20 April Reply

    “Let me bounce that off the team and I’ll get back to you.”

  • Stephen Nadler 23:38h, 20 April Reply

    “I wanted a staycation but I was outvoted.”

  • Marvin Sager 12:16h, 21 April Reply

    A few things you should not do on a beach.
    (1) Do not plan on eating a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich.
    ****
    (2) Do not offer to practice (on a resting sexy woman or man) artificial mouth to mouth resuscitation.
    ****
    (3) Do not kick sand on anyone, because “big brother” may be watching.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 20:17h, 22 April Reply

    Stephen, just under the deadline, just as I had stopped prodding and almost given up, you come up with seven zingers, bringing to mind this by Richard Armour, that master of light verse:

    Shake and shake the ketchup bottle.
    None’ll come, and then a lot’ll.

    Thanks!

    • Stephen Nadler 21:45h, 25 April Reply

      I haven’t read Richard Armour since I was a teen! Thanks, Gerald.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 22:42h, 22 April Reply

    “Me? I’m having a ball. Unfortunately, I can’t keep it very long.”

  • Marvin Sager 09:33h, 23 April Reply

    Bimbos bounce beach balls backwards before breakfast.
    Tchotchkelehs just wanna have fun!

  • Marvin Sager 13:40h, 23 April Reply

    Buying bootleg booze beach bagels bamboozles busybodies.
    Another example of twaddle, when I can’t find my medication.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 22:04h, 26 April Reply

    One of my favorite Richard Armour verses:

    “That money talks
    I’ll not deny.
    I heard it once:
    It said, ‘Goodbye.'”

  • Stephen Nadler 08:01h, 30 April Reply

    Another gem!

  • Marvin Sager 13:59h, 30 April Reply

    Circadian Rhythm guides me to a beach vacation. But, Circadian Dysrhythmia persuades me to avoid long distant air flights to a beach vacation. Therefore, I “cruise” for optimal pleasure.

  • Gerald Lebowitz 21:17h, 05 May Reply

    “I won the office pool.”

    (I know, I know, it’s past the deadline. But better late than never …)

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