Prove Your Comedy Chops with Moment’s Cartoon Caption Contest
Welcome to the Moment Magazine Cartoon Caption Contest, founded with the help of New Yorker cartoon editor Bob Mankoff, and drawn by New Yorker cartoonist Ben Schwartz.
Do you have a way with words and humor? If so, look at the cartoon below and send us a caption—or two or three! Plus scroll down to vote for your favorite caption. It’s free and fun!
Winners may claim a free Moment subscription for a friend of family member. Contest open to U.S. residents 18 and above.
Submit a caption for this cartoon by August 20th by writing it in as a comment at the bottom of this page!
Vote for your favorite caption by filling out the form immediately below!
“There are no Humanist congregations here!” — Robert D. Diamant, Staten Island, NY
“No kidding? My zaide was at Roswell, too!”— Stephen Nadler, Princeton, NJ
“My mother was a Jewish abductee.” — Suanne B. Scherr, Great Neck, NY
Chuckle at the March/April 2017 winning caption—and see who wrote it!
“I have a confession to make. I’m not Amish.” — Joel Guggenheimer, Dayton, OH
How to Submit Your Caption(s)
Submit as a comment below by August 20, 2017. Finalists will appear in the September/October 2017 issue. To vote for the winner of the May/June 2017 contest (see finalists above), use the “vote form.”
“Don’t worry! Most of the bugs from the previous release were fixed.”
“On a full charge, the shaking is virtually eliminated.”
“If anything during the procedure goes wrong, just press Ctrl Alt Delete'”.
“My success rate is covfefe.”
In fact it sounds a bit more robotic:
“My .. success .. rate .. is .. .. covfefe.”
“There is nothing to worry about, as long as the wi-fi connection is two bars or more.”
[Good grief, I’m on a roll (or a bagel)…]
“Don’t worry. I have the whole procedure down to a science. Nothing can possibly go wrong … can possibly go wrong … can possibly go wrong … can possibly go wrong …”
“Don’t worry. I have the whole procedure down to a science. Nothing can possibly go wrong … go wrong … go wrong … go wrong … go wrong.”
“They said they were going to reduce the risk, but I didn’t think they’d go this far.”
Mr. S, it will take a lot for any of us to beat your third submission. There are many mistakes that simply pressing the delete key won’t correct, and your line makes this point superbly. Thank you.
: – )
“Your baby is in good hands. I have been fully ordained as an unorthodox rabbi.”
“Don’t worry, the “short” in my circuitry has been dealt with.”
For Adrian Storisteanu:
Yes, modern technology is really neat.
You can make a bad error, be less than discreet,
Be rude with somebody or send the wrong tweet
Or lose your balance and be knocked off your feet.
You can always go back and recover your beat
By simply just pressing “ctrl” “alt” “delete.”
Ha-ha, excellence in six witty lines of verse!
“Relax, no metzizah b’peh.”
“I am my own sandak.”
Thanks, but it took me SIX lines to say what you said in ONE. Economy is a virtue. I can talk around things, but you wait until you grasp the very essence and then strike, like a master chess player waiting for his opportunity to make his move.
“There is no reason to be concerned. I have been programmed to return any excess.”
“My inventor saw the ‘Flowbee’ infomercial and thought: ‘What’s the worst that could happen?’.”
“We know that you will be satisfied with our new service and are happy that you are taking advantage of our introductory cut-price promotion.”
A new service sent to you courtesy of Russia. Don’t worry, I’ve been programmed not to “hack.”
“You ask about my background? Before I got this job, I worked for a landscaper as an expert pruner of trees and shrubs.”
“You ask about my qualifications? Before I got this job, I worked for a landscaper as an expert pruner of trees and shrubs.”
“Can’t you see that I’m male? How many women do you know that wear tefillin.?”
“Our medical insurance for this procedure comes with a quarter-inch deductible.”
Everyone calls me ‘Rabbi the Robot’.
“Ever since I was a tiny can opener I tended to ‘self identify” as a mohel. A LGBTM group took up my cause; and the rest, as they say, is history!”
“Before this, I worked for a glatt kosher butcher.”
“When did we become beta testers?”
“I thought this would be more hands-on.”
After every procedure the MOHEL-BOT 3000 responds, “Es tut mir vey!”
“The online help says it’s ‘measure *once*’…”
“Mohel-Bot 2999 was recalled because it took off too much.”
“You ask what happened to the MOHEL-BOT that was here before me? Unfortunately, he forgot his previous training as a barber and kept taking too much off the top.”
“The wine is for me, not the baby. I need it to lubricate my joints.”
“You and your cutting edge technology!”
“Must we always be the first?”
To Stephen Nadler:
What GREAT captions , BOTH of them! Why didn’t I think of them??? You’re a great competitor. Being the chosen people, of course, is the key that often opens the door to the opportunity of being first. (In the example of Dr. Schwartz’s cartoon, of course, it’s a distinct DISadvantage.) Imitating Oliver Twist requesting an extra portion of food at the table, I have to ask, in this land of captions, “May we have some more?”
I’ll try, but for the moment you’ve left me speechless, Gerald.
Opening up this page and looking at the entries is like opening up bitrhday presents and marveling at the contents. The people who post here are creative and smart and funny and always teach me that there are innumerable ways of seeing and that nobody really has the last word.
“We’re the Chosen People. Is this what we’ve been chosen for?”
Such a moil…
“Would this be a good length?”
“If it works out, we should buy one for the kitchen.”
Mr. S, like all good humor, your caption opens a door. For example, if the mohel profession were–pardon the expression–downsized and some mohels lost their jobs , what other duties could they perform? (Some mohels today ARE losing their jobs to mohelets, female mohels, particularly in the reformed and, to some extent, the conservative movement.) Maybe downsized mohels could slice bread and cheese and cold cuts in a deli? Maybe they could do film editing? Maybe slice and dice commercials on TV? Maybe peeling potatoes in a restaurant? It seems that the additional MOHEL-BOT in your caption would have plenty to occupy him after all. Thanks.
Haha… And yes, Model 3000 is a cut above! (But don’t get me started on the Snip 500.)
“Couldn’t we please have a MOHELET-BOT 3000? A woman might be more sensitive to our infant’s needs.”
“Customers who bought this also bought PRAYER-BOT 500.”
Oy Vey!
Before I get started, I’ll need the baby’s hebrew name…and your wifi code
“It might have a pretty good track record with this sort of thing, but I’m not letting it anywhere near my prostate.”
“The pillow is for me to rest my arms. Do you know how heavy they are?”
It’s cutting-edge!
A qualified mohel? Of course with the hands of a surgeon.
We are about to perform this ancient ritual in the name of our forefathers, Univac, Packard Bell and Honeywell.
Hold on while I download the latest editing software.
“I was kashered under the strictest OU standards and am even certified to perform on Passover.”
Not to worry! It’s not brain surgery. THAT I do on Thursdays.
“You should be 12% worried”
Hey, weren’t you at my Bot Mitzvah?”
Put a quarter under the kippah to kickstart a qvell.
Hey, Justin Gray, a GREAT caption above. Thanks!
“You’ll be very pleased. My work has won numerous awards and has even been displayed at the Jewish Museum.”
Gerald- Thanks! New subscriber and love the caption contest. 🙂
“Hebrew, English, or binary?”
Justin, welcome! You’re very good at what you do. Your submissions have a fresh, out-of-the-box approach that avoids the cliches that usually come to mind when most of us try to put words to a cartoon. Thanks again.
The other submissions are hilarious! Very creative group here. I’m an amateur at this you wouldn’t want me doing a real Bris. I’ll stick to the caption writing for now!
“PLEASE WAIT DURING INSTRUCTION DOWNLOAD.”
“No-miss bris, or your money back!”
Nope. I just take one mega byte.
“I guess that if he makes a mistake, we can always sue him for mohel-practice.”
: – )
Mr. S, thanks for your eloquent response to my horrible pun. Would you settle for ten lashes with a wet noodle (Manischewitz, of course) as my deserved punishment? Afterward, if I survived, I could always eat the noodle. So nothing would be wasted.
I love it. And what’s more, noodle is, of course, also pretty thematic around here… (Honi soit qui mohel y pense.)
“Your pun (“mohel y pense” for “mal y pense”) is even worse than mine (IF that could be possible) plus maybe an unintended third pun since the motto in question was used in heraldry, I believe, and you’re using it in response to a comment made by someone whose name rhymes with herald. In any event, I knew that you were royalty, but I never dreamt that you were in possession of a coat of arms on which the motto would be used.
Yeah, I sense Manischewitz’s pasta sales are climbing fast…
“Jewish inventor/entrepreneur Ron Popeil, creator of the Veg-A-Matic, comments on latest project: ‘I’m an inventor first and a marketer second,’ he says. ‘Other people in our business take the spaghetti approach. They throw a lot of stuff against the wall and hope something sticks. The failure rate is dependent solely on what you’re throwing up against the wall.’.”
I’m sorry community. I just couldn’t resist.
Spaghetti always got the bad rap. Cf. “spaghetti code” (which is probably what runs the Bris-A-Matic, precursor of the Mohel-Bot).
Hmmm. Instead of needling me, now, you’re noodling me. Is that adding insult to injury?
Feigue Cieplinski
What does Responsa say:Is this an halachic Brith Milah?
Honey, as a shul board member, you should tell them that their cost-savings measures have gone one step too far!
Mr. S, you’re right, as usual; spaghetti has gotten a bad rap, dating back to at least George Washington, who, as you may recall, specifically warned against foreign entanglements in his farewell address.
No-thing to sneeze at. . .
“18 important updates are available. Shall I download and install before we start here?”
(The precise point when confidence goes out the Windows.)
DONT WORRY. MY GREAT GREAT GREAT GRANDFATHER WAS THE MOHEL BOT 2994 Version 4.1
“The precise point when confidence goes out the Windows”? Really? And you had the chutzpah to ridicule MY pun? A THOUSAND lashes with a wet noodle would be far too lenient a punishment for YOU. (Just kidding … I think.)
Haha, the pun was just in the commentary, hence hors concours.
(And the whole thing doesn’t apply to iBrit 3, which is not Windows-based, but is much more expensive and cuts just as much.)
“You folks have until August 20th or so to make a decision about the bris. Sometime after that we’ll be replaced by a new cartoon.”